Regret Me Not | 김석진

Twenty Seven

The direction in which my heart looks is where I want to run.

June 4th, 2017

Jungkook could finally leave his room. He had been confined inside those white walls for what seemed like an eternity. Luckily, his injuries weren't serious, and the doctors said he would be up and around in no time.

He didn't know what he was thinking when he just stood there and let the car thrown him to the ground like a ragdoll. He missed his friends. He missed Iseul. He missed Victoria. But most of all, he missed Yoongi.

It was nice to see Hoseok and Jimin when he woke up in the hospital. But they hadn't kept in touch after that night. It seemed to be a chance encounter that came and went like the leaves in autumn.

But it was summer. And he was ready to let it go.

The nurses were terribly mistaken to give Jungkook a wheelchair. He may have been in his twenties now, but he was still a kid at heart. He raced down the corridor of the hospital, going nowhere in particular.

He almost completely barreled into the person at the end of the hallway, but stopped just in time. He was about to ask them annoyedly why they were just standing in the middle of the hallway. But then he looked at her.

His eyes widened slightly as they met hers. His lips moved to form her name, but he was speechless.

She held out her hand with a small smile. "It's good to see you again, Jungkook."

Jungkook didn't take his gaze away from her for a second as he reached his own hand up that engulfed Iseul's.

-

"So why are you here?" he asked after explaining his car accident.

The recreation room buzzed around them as the other patients played games and spoke loudly.

Iseul shrugged, avoiding his eyes. "I'm sick."

"With what?" Jungkook was so curious. He wanted to lean over and kiss her, but it was still a bit awkward between them.

"Heart disease."

His stomach dropped when the words left her mouth. "You never," he started. "You never said anything."

"I didn't want anyone to worry." Her eyes flickered to the clear blue sky outside. "It runs in my family. Mom had it. Older sister had it." She didn't bother mentioning that they were both dead.

"You'll be okay, though. Right?"

Iseul only tilted her head when she spotted something. "Let's go outside. It's a pretty day."

Jungkook agreed reluctantly, unsatisfied with her vague answers. She waited for him to catch up outside and held the door open for his wheelchair to get through.

There was a group of patients sitting in chairs watching a girl sing and play guitar. Jungkook's eyes widened slightly at the sight of a very familiar lighter hanging by a string from the neck of her instrument.

The memory of Yoongi playing piano for him in high school played in his mind's eye.

"Iseul."

She looked down at him, turning her attention away from the performer. "Yeah?"

"Doesn't that look like Yoongi's lighter?" he asked, lifting a finger to point at it across the courtyard.

Iseul squinted to see it, and tilted her head when she did. "I don't know. There are a lot of white lighters."

"But it has the scratch on it." Without explaining, he wheeled over to the girl and waited for her to finish the song. Iseul followed, and when she was done, Jungkook called to her before she could sing another song. "Excuse me!"

The girl turned to look at him with a smile, finding him to be handsome. "Yeah?"

"That lighter belongs to Min Yoongi, right?" He didn't wait for her to answer, even though her skin paled at the name. "Do you know where he is?"

She swallowed hard and turned away. "No."

"Yes, you do," Iseul retorted, suspicious of her tone. "He's our friend. We just want to know how he's doing."

"If Yoongi was your friend, you would know where he is."

Jungkook furrowed his brows. "Why won't you just tell us? Did you date him? Did he break your heart?"

"Yoongi's gone, okay?" she blurted, eyes filling with tears. "Don't try looking for him. You won't find him."

"What do you mean he's gone?" Jungkook pressed, having picked up some impatience from his hyung.

"He's dead!" The patients watching her previously looked to her with surprise. The tears slipped from her eyes and she quickly put her guitar away. "I'm sorry."

Jungkook stared on numbly. "Yoongi's..." His chest ached, cheeks suddenly becoming wet. Iseul got to her knees to be level with him.

"Jungkook..." She didn't know what to say. It was a shock to her as well, but she knew it affected him more.

He broke down into a sob and covered his eyes with one hand. Iseul wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face into his chest.

They thought Yoongi was gone before. But now he really was gone. Forever.

-

It was weeks before Jungkook finally stopped crying everyday. He was finally out of the wheelchair, and Iseul agreed to go on a date with him, which lifted his spirits. He was looking for something—anything to get his mind off of the recent misfortune in his life.

The previous day, Iseul told him to meet her in her room in the morning. Jungkook was excited—he even bought her a bouquet of flowers. Baby's Breath, to be exact.

He trotted down the stairs to the bottom floor, where her room was. His heart was light, stomach fluttering with joy. He still loved Iseul deeply, and being with her again would mean that things can be fixed. Nothing stays broken forever.

It took everything he had not to break into a run. He didn't want to be all sweaty for his date. He entered her room joyfully.

"Are you ready for—"

He stopped. Confusion swam in his mind. The flowers he had been holding up right now drooped along with his hand that fell to his side.

Jungkook didn't know how much more he could take. Because he then understood why Iseul's room was empty.