If You Read This...

But They Think I'm Insane

After walking Ivy home, I sat in my room, staring at the naked rat fetuses as they squawked and scratched each other.

"Shut up you little dicks!" I pulled on my hair and screamed into the abyss, hoping my dad wasn't home.

I nearly threw them across the room, when (lucky for them), someone knocked on my door.

I opened it, "what?" I growled, staring at Nia who looked as if she would cry.

"Ivy told me what happened." I couldn't tell if she wanted to scream at me, or wail. I shrugged and looked away.

"So did Ki." That took me by surprise. It shouldn't have though, what did I expect? Ki of all people to keep his mouth shut? That wasn't gonna happen.

I didn't answer her.

She marched close to me and shoved her finger in my face, "do you know what would have happened if you hadn't been there?! If Ki hadn't saved you?! You'd be hanging dead from your fucking ceiling while my best friend was off being raped! Raped! Do you understand that?!" She emphasized  the word "rape," making me uncomfortable. I could only
Imagine how Ivy felt.

"My best friend is dead! Do you understand that, Nia?!" She didn't like the fact that I was using her own words against her.

"Yes, Theo! Yes I understand that! I understand that I will never see Rory again! So, what? You're just gonna leave me and Ivy here alone?!" Tears began to pour down her cheeks.

"I-" I couldn't think of anything to do, other than screaming into my hands and walking over to my couch. Nia plopped down beside me.

"I've got ten fucking hairless rodents in my room right now, Nia."

"You've got nine."

"What?"

"Peanut-butter has hair. You have nine naked ones." She chuckled and wiped a tear from her cheek. We sat in silence for about five minutes.

"Nia. If I told you something, do you promise to believe me?" I looked her dead in her tear-filled eyes.

She grabbed my arm, "yes."

"He's not gone," I mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Rory. He's not gone." I smiled a little.

"Theo, what are you saying?"

"I saw him, Nia! He's here!"

"No, Theo-" she tried to talk but I didn't want to hear it.

"Nia, I'm serious! Listen to me!"

"Theo!" She put her hands on my shoulders, "his funeral is Friday."

"But- he-" my voice began to crack and she pulled me into a hug. "He's-" I stared forward, helpless, as tears spilled down my face.

"It's okay," she patted my back. I could tell she felt like crying too, but she was trying to stay strong for me.

Nia offered to stay, but I refused. I let her see the fetus rodents, then she left. I grabbed my notebook.

Dear Rory,
If you read this...
Please tell me what I need to do
To find my way back to you
I've ran across the sleepless streets
Just trying to bring back your weak feet
They say I'm needed down on Earth
But if I had to die to go to you, It'd be worth
It.
Please come back, Theo.

"Seriously?" Rory chuckled from behind me.

"Yeah, I know. This poem sucked," I sighed. I wasn't even surprised by his random appearance. I just went with it, maybe he'd have more time to explain how I could bring him back.

"Hey! Look at that!" He squealed, running over to the cage of rodents.

"What?" I asked.

"They're starting to grow hair!" He clapped his hands and held them by his face. He looked like he was about to pass out.

"Yeah." I didn't care about that. "Did I do it right?" I asked.

"Huh?"

I gestured to the pile of his junk in the corner.

"You got my guitar!" He smiled, then dashed over to pick it up. He lifted it, but to my surprise, laid in on its back a couple feet away from him. His face went blank, like he'd just seen a dead body.

"How come you can grab your guitar but not my arm?" I forced a chuckle, but he didn't give in. He turned to me and held up the empty bottle of pills. 

"I thought maybe that's what I needed to- to bring you back," I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes. "Is that right?"

"Yes."