Drowning

Chapter 1: Pilot

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️

The following content may not be suitable for some viewers. This book contains foul language, gruesome details, suicidal thoughts/actions, and other mature content that may offend others. If you have ever been any situations as these, please read with caution or with a trusted person; for the content could be triggering to some. Please call for help if you have ever experienced any of these symptoms at 1-800-273-8255. Thank you and enjoy!

Ethan's POV
My feet shuffled against the cold wooden floor as I walked out of the bathroom with a bottle of pills in my hand. They rattled inside the orange container while I slumped in bed; not wanting my mind to be drowned with these thoughts anymore.

My aching head was nothing compared to the utter shit I've been through; as if I thought that was painful enough. I peeled the prescription sticker off of the plastic, and tossed it into a nearby bin.

The note said to take no more than 2 pills every other hour, depending on the amount of pain that was endorsed. In my case, I guess I'll need a few more bottles of these things.

I'm still laying in my bed; letting my body mold the soft blankets and sheets. It feels like I'm sitting on clouds, peacefully embracing the magnificent view. Almost as if I escaped reality. Almost.

I look over to the bottle of pills that lay asleep in my hand and heavily sigh. It's currently 2:30 in the morning, so I know that no one can stop what future events I have in store for myself.

But I'm highly certain that anyone would notice my disappearance. Nobody would care anyways; it'll be like I never existed to begin with. I'm just a worthless creature, that was obviously an accident. At least now, I can correct my own mistake.

My vision is blurred by my tears as I drop the pills on my hand like rain. Not one single part of me was scared or even nervous to do this; in fact, I was glad that everything would finally come to an end.

All the pain, regret, sadness; everything. I was glad that it was finally going to be over. Your heart can only take so much, before giving out; same thing goes for patience.

I don't believe in happiness, or love, or any of the stupid crap, people desperately try to seek. At least, not anymore. There is no "Soul Mate" or "True Love." There is no such thing as "Joy" or "Happiness with yourself." Nothing.

The truth is, nobody is really happy. Everyone is in pain, one way or another. Some people are just better at hiding it than others. But there's always a breaking point; sooner or later.

I stare intensely at my white painted palm and snicker while shaking my head. I bite the inside of my cheek as I put the pills back into their container. Why would anyone want me to waste these on myself? Not because they care, but because they're too good for me.

Taking these pills will be like, dumping fresh food in the trash. Yes, that's what I see myself as: trash. And I know I'll never amount to anything with a greater value. I'll always come in second place; scratch that. I'll always come in last place.

I slowly get out of my comfortable position and wearily walk back into the bathroom, placing the bottle back where it was. I return to my room and lock the door behind me; making sure that no one will come in.

I look through the desk in my room and find a pencil sharpener followed by a screwdriver. How convenient. I don't even remember putting that there, but nonetheless I'm grateful it was.