Drowning

Chapter 16: Let Go

Song// You Are The Reason by Calum Scott
Highly recommend//put on repeat

(Seriously, play the song so you can get the full affect)

Ethan's POV
It's finally Friday, which means I get to see Y/n today, and hopefully make amends. I've been trying for so long, it's honestly the only thing I talk about when we have our sessions.

She tries to disregard my comments and continue on with asking questions, but I just give her half ass answers. She gets so frustrated, and I honestly feel bad for stressing her out.

I just want to talk to her for a little while, and make her see that I didn't mean to push her away. That it was all just my insecurities and trust issues.

But on the other hand, she should consider the fact that I'm in a fucking mental hospital, so obviously I have issues. It's not really fair to just shut me out for my problems, when she should've expected it. It's one of the main reasons I'm here.

Yet again, I shouldn't have said all those hurtful things to her. Sure, I had to say certain things in order to keep a distance. But I didn't have to brake her.

She's the only person who recognized my quote, the only person who saw my poetry book, the only fucking person who saw me for my heart; not my mistakes.

And I pushed her away from me. Way more than I intended.

I wish she could understand that she's the reason why I stay up at night, thinking about happy thoughts. She's the reason why I want to get out of here and live life.

That I don't want to die anymore.

That doesn't mean I'm happy, but I am way happier than before I met her. Y/n is the reason why I actually want to open up, finally. Why I want to get better.

I want to tell her everything, even my past. But I don't think I can. It's too hurtful to turn back too. I just can't face my past.

But I'd do anything to fix her heart that I broke. And it sucks to know that I caused her so much pain, and I can't shake it away. It sucks to know that she won't ever trust me with her heart again.

But if I had to open up to her, in order for us to be okay again, I'd do it. I'd tell her whatever she needs to know, and I'll try my hardest not to hold back.

I have strong feelings for her, and I know it's something stronger than just a crush. But I'm not sure, I don't know if it's just because she gets me? Or that I actually DO feel that way about her...?

Suddenly, my thoughts are interrupted by the knock of my door. I sigh and jump out of bed; walking towards the door. Once I opened it, I saw Y/n standing in the hall.

"Hey. You ready?" She mumbled.

"Umm, yeah." I said while opening the door for her.

Once she passed by me, I could smell the sweet scent of her perfume. Or whatever it is she uses to make her smell so good.

She sat down in her usual spot and I sat in my bed; across from her.

"How have you been feeling recently?" She asked.

"Y/n, I seriously need to talk to you." I said.