Hidden From The World

Rage

Rage flooded through me as I walked through the halls of high school the next day.  I was too pissed to say anything to Bryn or even to Will. He and Allie were broken up without any hope of getting back together which was very sad. After all, it wasn’t the poor girl’s fault that her brother was a man-whore.

In my anger, I had grabbed the wrong books to class. I had Math but I had grabbed my Science workbook and that pissed me off even more. I pulled up my white hoodie that was left open with a crop top underneath that had my belly charm showing. It wasn’t slut material but it was enough to drive the guys crazy with lust.

I pushed my hoodie to cover up my face as I fumed. If I could have gotten anymore angrier, there would be steam coming out of my ears. I didn’t give two shits about it. I had seen Rafe exactly three times today and not once did I acknowledge him because I was too angry to and his sight and the mere mention of his name had my chest aching and my temper boiling to a point that I couldn’t describe. He had hurt me enough and I had had enough of his bipolarity. One second he claimed that he liked me and the next; he was swapping spit with his ex. How messed up is that.

The day passed by and I was still fuming. I couldn’t calm down and the people who really knew me noticed. 

“You know your quiz won’t answer itself if you’re glaring at it and wishing it would burst into flames” Gabe chuckled as he came to a stop near my desk. He had dressed like he always should. Neat and proper both knew how fake it was and how it masked our past. The one we both shared and never wished to relive ever again.

I huffed and picked up my pencil, writing my first answer but what do you know, the pencil’s tip had broken off and it had ripped the paper a little.

“You’re meeting me at lunch” Gabe said sternly as he looked down to my paper but his voice also laced concern and worry. Before I could argue with him and tell him that I would be fine, he had walked away. Well great.

The time had passed quickly because I was so lost in my thoughts. I didn’t get a single answer in the quiz right. I failed my English practice paper completely which I never do. All this just proved how I felt.

I knocked on Gabe’s classroom door and entered without waiting for an answer. I gave out an angry huff before I took a seat and glared at my desk with the image of Rafe making out with cheerleaders racing through my mind.

“So are you willing to tell me what’s wrong without me prodding and poking into your life?” He asked, his arms folded across his chest.

“Nothing is wrong. I am just angry and that is all there is to it” I answered back, not bothering to look up. My fingers scratched against the desk softly as I spoke. I still hadn’t managed to mask my irritation yet.

“Whenever you talk to me, you look up, no matter how badly hurt you are or how you feel, you always look me in the eye when you talk to me because you know that I will know when you are lying if you don’t and you are lying right now” He stated as if he knew me as if I was like an open book. In ways I was to him. Like an open book because he knew me the moment I had arrived in that god forsaken circus. He was my only sanctuary and my only comfort back then and he was still my only comfort even now.

I looked up and my anger melted into pain and sadness. My chest ached as I fought back the tears but I did not cry. I have had just about enough of Rafe’s bullshit.

“You’re right. I am not ok. I am angry and very much hurt” I admitted slowly. There was no point in hiding from the person who has basically raised you for the first 11 years of your life.

I slowly pulled out the photograph and pushed it in front of him. He picked it up and examined it closely before he realized.

“You know he is a douche and you know that he won’t change no matter how many times you trust him Lexi. He will only and only hurt you” He said softly as she wrapped me in his brotherly embrace. I needed it.

“I know…but I can’t help but hope that I could change him. That he could change for me” I hugged him back tightly. I think being abused was better than this pain.

AFTERNOON

Since it was Friday, I had some spare time on my hands to spend at the last period so I headed to the study hall. Looking around, I found one empty table and slid into the seat. I took out my books and started to go over my notes but I did notice someone coming in and sitting right across from me.

I looked up and my anger spiked and my chest stung sharply. I didn’t know there was pain until now. Rafe looked at me, his eyes holding no expression.

“You’re avoiding me” He stated simply as she reached out to touch my hand. I quickly pulled it back and gripped the edge of my math book tightly. I wanted to throw the same item at his head and break his skull. I would have done it if it wasn’t for the pain in my chest that took away my ability of speech and action.

“Why is it always that whenever I try to get close to you and you quickly push me away” He growled out. He seemed angry. Well too bad.

“Go away Rafe” I gritted out as I glared angrily at the notes that lay in front of my gaze helplessly. My fingers bunched into a tight fist in anger and my chest hurt. My anger wasn’t all directed at him but the pain in my chest also. I thought I made a promise that this won’t hurt me. Nice to know that my mind and body betray me also.

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong. You passed by me three times today but not once did you look at me or even show any sign that you know that I am there. How am I just to go away when the girl I like doesn’t like being around me” He said, his voice dropping at the end of his words.

If the photograph of him and Bree wasn’t sitting right under my books, I would have forgiven him right there and then. I was so grateful for it that I didn’t because guys like him would only hurt me again. Make sure that I was broken to pieces.

“Fine…You want to know why I didn’t want to see you. Because I am sick and tired of you. Because I don’t like and I hate it that you’re all around me and can’t leave me alone. Don’t you get it Rafe? I hate you with all my heart and soul. I hate it that you hurt me all the time. I hate it that you play with head and that you mess with me so much. You know when I kissed you, I didn’t like it. I didn’t like you last time and I don’t like you now so please so me a favor. Go find a nice blonde bimbo to screw with and not me because I am done with you.” I replied, my voice rising with each lie that passed my lips.

I let out a deep breath as the ache in my chest even got worse that it got harder to breath and before I could let him see the tears threatening to spill out from my eyes, I gathered my stuff and raced out of the room and all this time, only one thing raced in my mind.

The hurt and the confusion in his eyes.