Hidden From The World

Dreams -edited-

I settled myself a fair distance from him. But the freaking bed had the textbook sliding towards him. In frustration, I picked it up and set it on my lap. I flipped through the pages until I came where we stopped last time. This section was about her well, my circus life.

It showed pictures of me, smiling the ‘fake’ smile and some of them had me in tears. I kept staring at the one picture I had taken with me when I left. It was me wearing a tight roper’s spandex costume and a short skirt on top. I had my hair braided and then put into a bun; the jewelled pins gleamed as the camera took the photo. My eyes shinned too. They were drowned in tears.

I couldn’t remember why I was crying that day. I was lost. In my pain.In my sorrow. I hated this more than anything. I hated being vulnerable. I hated showing tears to the people who I know would judge me. I was afraid all the outcomes that would come out.

I felt something warm brush my cheek. Startled, I pulled out of my head and stared at the one person who was there with me. He had this arrogant smirk on his face. His face was so close to me.  My hand flew up and touched my now red cheek. I was blushing. I looked back at him. He freaking kissed me on the cheek.

“W-what did you just do?” I exclaimed nervously. He leaned into me. Resting his forehead against mine and breathing in deeply. The way his breath fanned over my lips made my heart skip a beat. I opened my eyes and was looking directly into his dark ones. I drew back suddenly, putting some distance between us. I had this attraction towards him and if I can’t control myself, I won’t be able to stop myself.

“Rafe, please. Let’s just get this over and done with. I’m tired and pissed so please just work with me” I sighed in frustration. He looked at me with a smug expression. I swear this guy had no feelings. At all.

 I slammed my book shut and got up to leave.                         

As soon as I opened the door, he was behind me. I opened it but it was shut just as quick. I tried to open it again but he had the strength of a bull. I turned back around again and gave him a heartfelt glare.

“I thought you wanted to get this over and done with? And yet, you are the one who is leaving” He stepped closer to me with each word that passed his lips. I shrunk back as far as I could. I wanted to reach out and loop my arms around his neck. Place my lips on his but I was too damn scared that he could hurt me again.

“Rafe, I need to go back home. You are not taking this seriously” I attempted to growl but it came out as a desperate cry. Like I was crying for his help and I hated looking vulnerable. He studied me for a while before he closed his eyes. As if he was thinking something out. When he looked back at me, I couldn’t help but gasp. His eyes held so much warmth and love that it was hard to miss. It was hard to even think that he was the same person who broke me.

His forehead creased and he sighed before turning away from me. “Just go then” he growled. I made a move to go towards him but then thought better of it. I needed to get away from him as far as I can. I pressed my lips together from screaming.  My eyes welled up and I crossed outside to the stairs to go home.

I hated him but yet I seemed to love him as well.

When that night, I went home and went straight to bed. I didn’t take off my clothes, well, I was halfway through it and I felt flat on my bed with my blouse open, exposing the black bra I was wearing. What can I say, the bastard kept me awake way past my bedtime. I normally go to sleep at 10 and tonight, I slept at 12. Son of a bitch.

My eyes were closed and I had no senses of me working. I was really sleepy because usually I was aware of everything that was going on around me that’s why I didn’t notice someone creep into my room.