i remember how lonely it felt to spend a day devoid of you.
you completely ignored me after the incident with jaehyun. you stayed out of my way, sat farthest from me in class, left me alone in the cafeteria.
i guess i wasn't really alone in a sense, since taeyong followed me everywhere. but my heart, sicheng— my heart yearned for your company.
i learned a little too late that some people were just out of my reach. but you just kept coming back. and each time, i welcomed you with open arms.
on that sunless day, you surprised me again— as you always did.
i came home from school with a forlorn soul, knowing for sure that i had no hope with you by now. i remember plopping down on the couch, the one we both slept on, and sighing. i ran my hands up and down the armrest, feeling the rough cloth against my palm.
and then you came, sicheng.
two knocks. i heard two knocks. and that was enough to shoot me up my feet. i stumbled to the door, wishing it would be you. and the stars must have heard my prayers because there you were— messy hair, flushed cheeks, twinkling eyes.
you spoke before i could even ask what brought you here.
"yuta, i'm so sorry. i'm so, so, so sorry about yesterday. i needed to do it. i just— i need jaehyun to love me!"
you cried out with such saturnine words that it made me want to drop everything for you. and maybe that's what i did.
"it's alright, sicheng," i replied as i pulled you into a hug. "you don't have to apologize for anything."
i was stupid, sicheng. i really was. i swallowed my pride, stepped on my dignity, threw away my rationality. i did everything for you.
but was i ever enough?
