i knew it would end like this— in tears and regret.
but did i listen to my conscience? my rationality? no, i never did. i only ever listened to you.
and look where it's gotten me, sicheng.
i remember we were in the peak of our passion, sprawled across the couch, tangled in between our legs and fingers. we were lips and hands and feet, everything and nothing beating as one.
"yuta," you breathed, burying your voice in my neck.
i responded in touch, tracing my fingers up and down your spine as i left marks on your shoulders.
"i- i never want to leave."
my lips curled up in triumph as i continued leaving a trail of kisses down your chest, and you knotted your fingers in my hair. if air had color, the atmosphere would glow in hues of red and gold. if noise has color, your ragged moans would radiate every shade of blue.
it was the best day of my life. until it wasn't.
"what the fu—"
our heads turned in strange unison as we looked to see where the sound had come from.
fuck. fuck. fuck.
only a single word could run through my mind as we struggled to cover ourselves with pillows from taeyong's wide eyes. he looked shocked and furious and disappointed and confused and so damn hurt.
you were the first to speak up, sicheng. and i'll never forget the words you said.
"taeyong—" you started sobbing, "please don't tell jaehyun."
don't tell jaehyun.
and then you walked out— leaving me in shame.
i couldn't bear to look at taeyong. he was crying, sicheng. our friend was in pain because of what we fucking did. and you had the goddamn audacity to ask for a favor? fucking hell, sicheng. i could never understand you. and i never understood myself too.
you left me alone and i loved you still.
