Keeping my promise

Chapter 7

Before even walking out the door, without noticing, my body was pushed because of someone else's body. "Sorry, I'm in a hurry". When I look up to see who I had accidentally pushed, all my emotions and thoughts dropped down to my feet.

It was Nathan, my ex.

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My hands started to sweat, which I didn't find the reason for them to be sweating if I got over Nathan a long time ago. I could take this awkward moment very calmly. But somehow my throat felt like in a knot and my whole nervous system went crazy vibrating.

I waited for him to say sorry or something, but his eyes were popping out in shock just like mine. It was not so long after I realized we were both staring right at each other without any hesitation, without any words, just staring dead to each other's eyes.

Suddenly, my mind snapped out of the staring contest and I said: "Um...sorry, I'm in a hurry..."

Yeah I know that was the first thing I said when our paths crossed, but it was the only thing that could come out of my mouth.

Hearing me talk made him snap out of his unconsciousness. He shook his head and bit his lip in shyness. "I think you already said that, Cris" he said before scoffing.

I didn't quite know why hearing him say 'Cris' made me feel this inner madness, this inner anger, so I had to say: "Crystal. My name is really Crystal. Or did you forget that?" I know it may sound a little mean, but hey, he's my ex, there's no reason why I should treat him with kindness. At least not after what he did to me. No, that ain't happening.

The look in his face was not more than embarrassment and humiliation, I feel kind of bad for him.

"Sorry. Crystal. Hey, what's up?" Nathan said while scratching his head.

I looked straight up to his green eyes and put a strand of my dark brown hair behind my left ear, and doing so made me say 'ouch' because I accidentally hurt where I had made a piercing.

"You okay? Wow, that piercing still hurts you?" he said smiling. This couldn't make me feel more uncomfortable so I had to end it here.

"I'm not okay, I'm in a hurry." I said, quickly, with my hand covering my hurting ear and turning around, ready to leave.

When I was just turning around, Nathan placed his hand on my shoulder and turned me around facing him. I did not want to look at him so I kept my eyesight downwards. As I was looking down to nowhere, Nathan moved his head to look into my eyes, but I avoided this contact.

It seemed he gave up on trying to look into my eyes, he scoffed and let go of me. I kept silent and still, but inside I was nervous sweating and trembling. Then he spoke at last, "Ok, Crystal, really what is wrong with you? Why are you being so cold on me?"

When I heard him asking me those two questions I just wanted to burst in laughs. This boy, he really getting me out of my nerves. Is he really asking why am I being cold on him? Oh my gosh, this was incredible even for me. This was something Sharon needed to be informed about right away.

When I came back to reality, Nathan was still waiting for my answer, but little does he know, he will still be waiting for that answer because I don't find reason to answer any of his questions, not now, not ever.

I was being mean to Nathan. I am being mean to Nathan.

And he didn't give up; he seemed like he ain't never going to give up. But did he forget what had happened to us? Did he forget we were even a thing? And that today we are not? He didn't noticed the long period of time we didn't hear the other's name? Or that we 'supposedly' promised to each other that we were not talking ever again? That we were blocking each other from each other's life? What happened to the answers to all these questions?

"Crystal? Earth to Cris".

"Crystal."

"Come on Crystal, what is it? What is the possible reason of you behaving like this to me?"

"Oh, why? Perhaps I have to behave nice to you or something?"

Nathan's face went all pale after hearing this, and I have to admit, saying that made me feel kind of good.

"Crystal....please."

"Please what?..um..what is it?" It was at this moment I noticed I couldn't say Nathan's name out loud since we broke up. No matter how hard I tried to say his name, it didn't come out, like if it was a forbidden word in my vocabulary; and it kind of makes sense, since we broke up we had made the promise of not talking or hearing each other's name ever again, and I try my best to not break a promise, and this is that time, even though it seemed like he can't keep a promise.

I tried my best not to look up to his eyes, but I couldn't help it, I had to look. And when I finally did, I noticed Nathan's eyes were getting watery. I have to admit it, he is a good actor indeed.

I was not going to fall into his trick him playing the sad child facing me the bad girl. No. This was the end of all, and I was already getting tired of all that bullshit.

He didn't say anything at that moment, but his eyes were still watery, and I was not going to ask or comment.

I sighed and turned around again to walk away. When I walked exactly two steps from where he was standing, I could hear him say: "Are you really going to just turn around and walk away and leave me like this?"

That comment, just the way he said it, made me want to tear up, but I knew I was strong enough to hold control of my emotions and get control of myself. Though, that single question did not allow me to move, to keep on walking away from him. It was like if I was stuck to the floor and his words were the reason why.

I did not turn around but kept on listening to what he was saying. And the more I listened, the more I felt like I was breaking apart, and I knew I was not supposed to stay, not supposed to listen, not supposed to care.

But I did.

Because it was him. And I wasn't happy about it, but I couldn't do anything else.

After a small while, he finally spoke, the sooner the better, because I really needed to leave, I couldn't take this anymore.

"I guess I'll have to get use to see your back as you walk away from me...", he said with his weak voice and watery eyes.

This sentence broke me even more.

But I was already too broke because of him, and this scene of his was not going to change anything.

I had to walk away.

So I did.

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