I slump back into the chair I've been sitting in all morning and take a deep breath filled with disappointment.
"The morning after was supposed to be paradise." I sigh. If things were the way I had planned, then I would have gladly said yes to his proposal yesterday. The single tear that rolled down his face, passing by the grimace on his lips. I hope to never see that face again. I wish I never had to cause it in the first place. I shiver, a chill running up my spine as I remember the kiss I forced on him yesterday. After all that I still don't know how to respect boundaries. I'm ashamed of myself. Ashamed of what I've become. Praying I haven't always been this way, I stand up. Begging myself not to sit in this chair all day, wallowing in self pity.
"I should get up, go somewhere."
Into the village I go, my hands shoved in makeshift pockets as I avoid every living being in a five mile radius. Watching my feet compact the dirt below me.
"Naruto needs me..." I whisper, smiling at that tiny bit of our new reality. But then again, he didn't want this. And now he needs me, he needs me to stay in this situation with him. He's forcing himself. And I'll be raping him over and over again, for what I assume will be the rest of his life. I have a change of plans—whatever they were before— and head in direction of the market place. Maybe I'll find some books there with more information, if not on jinchuriki mating than at least better ways to prep your partner for anal. He was bleeding... I hurt him, in more ways than one. And in this scenario, I have no idea how to take accountability for my actions. I can't leave, I have no other option really. The problem isn't that I don't have another option though, if it weren't for the circumstances I would be extremely happy with this one. The problem is that Naruto doesn't have another option. He's stuck with me, he needs me, he needs his rapist. And I don't want him to need me for that reason. Being scared out of his wits, be bonded to your rapist for life, forced to have sex with him—which would make it rape—or die trying to overcome the trauma I've given him, attempting to be free from my non-consensual bullshit. At the moment I've just gotta figure out a way to do my best to make it easier for him. At least not hurt him physically. Since we're never going to be in the relationship I desired, all I can do is cover the necessities. Sex. That's the fucking necessity for fuck's sake. I need to ask him when his heat is. We need a plan, to be prepared. I wonder if he can get by without intercourse, that seems like a less traumatic alternative for him.The bell above the store's door ringing in my ear as I enter the building. I sigh, almost a relief to recognize something from before this whole thing happened. The smell of paper as I walk further into the store, surrounded by books and plain looking scrolls, definitely not for ninja. I walk towards the large window facing the street, knowing that that's where the infamous Icha Icha series lies and assuming similar books would be near by. Unfortunately there wasn't much there, and the things that were there were riddled with misogyny and hetero relationships that I had no interest in looking at. Wasn't my cup of tea I suppose. While there weren't any books that appeared to have what I was looking for, there were plenty of open spaces on the shelf, telling me that there are books missing. Not that I have much faith they'll be very inclusive. I might have better luck looking for some sort of educational facility with resources. But for now I'd rather just inquire at the counter considering there is a decent chance there's something that might be of use to me.
I walk up to the counter, an old woman looking through a pile of coins pears up at me, a smile gracing her face.
"If it isn't the Uchiha!" Her eyes wrinkling as she greets me with a large grin. Not like Naruto's, not nearly as precious.
"Hello ma'am, I've noticed that your shelves are awful bare today?" I give a small smile, one I've mastered over the years, no one notices it's fake anymore. She continues to gaze up at me, much be at least a foot shorter than me. Moving the coins to the side, her face turns to almost a pout, pulling and twisting the ring on her finger.
"Oh yes... unfortunately there has been an issue with distribution, they should be here soon... but there was a problem entering the leaf village." She explains. I give an empty smile in return, what am I gonna do now?Maybe I should talk to Jiraiya. But that might raise some questions, I don't want to make Naruto uncomfortable, having him confront loved ones with this situation is probably not something he's ready to do, and I'm not looking to force him into more than I already have.
"I'll come back here in a couple of weeks? Your stock should be replenished by then?"
She smiles, probably questioning what kind of book I'm looking for. 'What is a Uchiha doing in a bookstore with such a reputation?' Well miss, you would be surprised, I'll tell you that. I chuckle to myself, waving goodbye as I walk away, hearing the bell on the door chime as I exit.
YOU ARE READING
In Progress [SASUNARU]
Fanfiction[BxB] [SASUNARU] [SLOWBURN] WARNING: includes mentions of rape under the influence of alcohol. Short mention mention of suicide regarding Sasuke considering suicide. It's short and they're both fine. Sasuke's in love with Naruto. Naruto has no idea...