Finding Finley ✔

20

Darby 

"Meg, I'm fine, I promise. Have fun at the beach, I'll see you when you get back. Happy birthday, sissy. I love you."

I end the call with my sister and fight back the tears that are forming in my eyes. I don't know why I'm surprised that they took a family vacation without me, I wasn't even invited when I lived in the same house so why would it be any different now? 

Even if by some miracle my mom had invited me to celebrate my sister's birthday with them, it's not like I would be able to go. I can't let them see the remaining bruises on my body or the bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep.

I don't even remember the last time I had a full nights sleep, probably not since the night I fell asleep in Finn's bed. 

Again, tears threaten to fall. Every time I think about Finn and how badly I screwed everything up I just want to crawl in a hole. I never should have hid my relationship from him, I never should have cheated on Josh with him. I should have just broken up with Josh the second he turned into the monster he is now.

Hindsight is twenty twenty, I guess. 

I walk over to the full length mirror in my room and pull up my shirt, looking at the souvenirs I have Josh. Some of the bruises have faded to yellow, others are now a lighter shade of purple, but the memories are still fresh in my mind. 

I can still feel him kicking me, I can still hear him screaming at me, I can still see the rage in his eyes and the anger contorting his face. 

I'm so stupid for staying with him as long as I did. I'm stupid because if it weren't for Finn, I would still be with Josh.

 I couldn't see my own worth or believe in myself before Finn showed me that I'm not just something to be kicked aside by everyone in my life. Finn made me feel important and valued, he made me remember how good it is to smile and laugh. Finn made me love myself again and in the process he made me love him. 

At night when I'm lying awake in my bed, too afraid of the nightmares that will invade my dreams to even try to sleep, I think of Finn. I lay there and wonder if he's okay, if he's awake because of a nightmare too, or if he's fighting the crushing weight on his chest from the panic. I worry about Finn even though Ellie tells me that he's doing better, that his anxiety seems to be lessening. 

Ellie is a saint. I can see why Kit loves her and adores her as much as he does. I can see why she's Finn's best friend and why he she's so important to him. Ever since the day I told Ellie about Josh, she's been there for me. She calls, she visits, and she even helped me file a police report.

Josh was arrested for battery charges, but they didn't stick for long, his dad's money got him out of jail in less than an hour. I wasn't surprised, I know he's basically untouchable. 

I filed a restraining order against him, even though I know that it won't stop him if he really wants to get to me again. Money protects Josh and he knows it, so he's not afraid of the law or me. He saw me at the police station and the look he gave me was so cold it cut right through me. 

For some reason I had expected Josh to regret what he did to me. I expected to see sadness in his eyes, or the reality of what he has become sink in and show in his expression. I was wrong though, another example of me being stupid. Josh was never the type to apologize or shower me with gifts and attention after he hurt me, he always went on with his life like nothing had happened. 

I wipe my eyes and run my hand through my tangled hair. Man, I look rough. 

I haven't been to classes in almost a week, not since I filed the report at the police station. I e-mailed all my professors a brief explanation of what was going on and they all sent me my assignments and a PowerPoint for notes, but I have a lot of homework to catch up on before I go back on Monday.

I grab my laptop and backpack before walking out to the living room in nothing but my over sized Mickey Mouse sweatshirt, my underwear and knee high socks. I haven't put much effort into my attire this past week, I haven't even left my apartment.

Bethany has gone to stay with her parents for the weekend, so I'm free to do my homework while watching television in the living room, where there's enough room to spread my books out around me.

I turn on the TV, not really caring much about what is playing since I'm mostly using it as background noise. As soon as I'm comfortable and reaching into my backpack for my books, someone starts banging on my door.

The sudden noise makes me jump and my first thought is that Josh is back, ignoring the restraining order just like I knew he would, and he's here to finish what he started. He was pissed that I turned him in to the cops, and here I am, alone. 

I stand up and stare at the door, frozen in place. There's no where for me to run where he can't get to me if he's able to get in.

The knocking stops and I hear a voice say my name. It doesn't sound like Josh, it sounds like-

"Darby, please open the door."

Finn. 

I run towards the door, completely forgetting that I look like a wreck, and throw it open.

He's standing in the hallway, wearing his usual ripped black jeans and a hoodie, his hair disheveled and sticking up like he's been running his hands through it all day. I stare into his green eyes and see that there's so much confusion, worry, and hurt in looking back at me.

I watch as his eyes take me in, from my socks to my messy hair that hasn't been brushed in....days? I don't even know. When Finn's eyes make their way back to mine he lets out a sigh and crushes me to his chest.