Finding Finley ✔

26

Darby has met my mom before, but that hasn't done anything to calm her nerves. We're on our way to Sunday dinner and Darby is currently freaking out a little bit in the passenger seat of my jeep. I squeeze her hand in an attempt to calm her, "My mom likes you, Darby. I promise."

Ignoring me, Darby looks in the rear view mirror at Ellie, who is in the backseat. "Were you nervous when you first met their mom?"

I glance back and see Ellie look up from her phone to meet Darby's gaze in the mirror, "You've met her before Darby. But no, I wasn't nervous to meet Katie. Actually, the first thing she ever said to me was that I'm hot." 

I laugh at the memory of Ellie meeting our mom as I pull into the driveway.

All of Darby's worries fade away when my mom pulls her into a tight hug as soon as she walks in the door. When she makes her way over to me minutes later, I pull her close and mumble an "I told you so" against her head. 

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After we eat, Darby and Ellie insist that they clear the table and clean up so that Kit and I can get a moment alone with our mom. 

Kit suggests that the three of us go out to the backyard and sit at the picnic table to talk. It doesn't seem like our mom suspects anything, but then again she's apparently good at hiding things.

She sits down on one side of the table and I take the seat beside my brother on the opposite side. I'm not sure where or how to start this conversation, and Kit has always been better in these types of situations, so I let him take the lead. 

"Mom, we have some questions." He starts as she looks curiously at the two of us sitting across from her.

"Questions about what?"

Kit and I share a look before I answer, "About dad." 

Her face falls a little. Whatever it was she thought that we wanted to talk to her about, this isn't it. She recovers quickly though, "What do you want to know?"

"I went to see him again. He told me why he left, he said that you kicked him out and told him we weren't his. He said you were having an affair and that you and grandma wouldn't let him see us even though he tried to, and he told me that you two are still married because he was trying to make it easier on you to support the two of us." I watch her face the entire time I talk, not pausing because I want it all to be out in the open before she says what she has to say. Guilt washes over her face with every sentence. 

So it's all true. Part of me was hoping that he was lying, that my mom didn't deny Kit and I a relationship with our dad just because she didn't want one with him anymore, but that wasn't the case.

"Why?" Kit asks. I know he had been hoping for the same thing. 

She looks at the table instead of us now, and after a moment she seems to have gathered her thoughts and looks back to us. There's the smallest hint of tears glistening in her eyes and I instantly felt guilty for doing this, but then I remember how badly I need closure - how badly I need to end the anxiety that fills me with dread when I least expect it.

"Did he tell you who the affair was with?" She asks me, bringing me out of my own thoughts. I shake my head no and she lets out a sigh. "It was with your uncle, Theo." 

Simultaneously Kit and I lean back and give each other a look of disbelief. Our uncle Theo is not a good guy, he dropped out of college and became involved with some pretty bad people. He was never around much, always in and out never telling anyone where he was or where he had been. Whenever he did drop by for holidays or for the rare visit, he always brought us the newest and greatest toys before spending a lot of time with our mom. 

Now we realize the toys were to distract us so that he could spend time with our mom. Our dad worked a lot so he was never home much, especially during Theo's visits now that I think about it. Theo and our dad were never close, they didn't really get a long and he was always angry when Theo dropped by unannounced. 

"You cheated on him with his brother? For how long?" There's the smallest hint of disgust in Kit's voice and I can tell that our mom picked up on it too. 

"Since college, before we were even married. But boys, your dad and I got married so young and after a while I realized that it was a mistake. I don't regret having the two of you, when we found out that I was pregnant we were over the moon, and then when you were born we were so happy but that eventually wore off and we were back to where we started. Fletcher was a great dad, but there was never a one hundred percent chance he was your dad. He loved you two so much, but I knew that he didn't love me anymore, so I thought the only way that I could get him to leave was to say that you weren't his." She leans across the table, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"I know this all sounds so stupid. I realize that now, I do. I could have handled everything so much better and salvaged a relationship with your dad for you two, but I was so angry at him for not being the husband he used to be, for not being the man he used to be that I just wanted him gone. We weren't happy, we argued all the time and he would say some pretty mean things to me, things I probably deserved....I'm so sorry boys, by the time I realized my mistakes you two were older and had formed your own opinions, I was embarrassed to tell you and afraid you would hate me like you hate him."

Neither one of us say anything. 

"It was stupid, I was stupid. I just wanted to hurt him and make him leave, I was selfish and didn't think of how it would affect the two of you. I thought we would all be better off without him. I'm so sorry, please don't hate me. I'm so sorry I-"

Kit and I are out of our seats at the same time, both of us rounding the table and meeting on the other side to engulf our mom in a hug. She's crying and her hands are shaking a little as she brings them up to hold onto our arms.

"We don't hate you, mom. We could never hate you."

"We love you. No matter what, we just wanted to know the truth." I add. 

---------------------------------------------------

We talk more afterwards, just the three of us outside, and after awhile I look toward the house and see Ellie peeking out the window at us. I nudge Kit and nod towards the window, both he mom turn and see Ellie quickly duck out of sight. The three of us burst out laughing.

"That girl is one of a kind, Kit. I'm so glad you have her." Mom says, her laughter fading as she reaches across the table for Kit's hand. 

"I know, so am I." There's a smile on his face, and you can hear a smile in his voice too. 

"And Finn, Darby is a special girl too. I'm glad you two worked everything out, it seems like she's good for you." Her other hand extends towards me.

"We're good for each other." As soon as I say the words, I hear the backdoor open, Ellie and Darby stepping out and making their way over to us.

Darby takes the empty seat next to me, and Ellie sits beside my mom. "Katie, tell Darby that you called me the hot new girl the first time you saw me. She doesn't believe me."

At this, all seriousness leaves my mom as she laughs loudly at Ellie's words. "It's true. But I was only repeating what Finn had said about her."

At this Darby turned towards me, mock anger on her face. "You thought Ellie was hot?"

"I was just saying what Kit wouldn't at the time." 

"Hey, I never denied that she's hot. I only denied flirting with her." 

"You were totally flirting with me." Ellie throws a smile towards Kit.

Kit returns her smile, "I totally was, wifey."