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Not Strong Enough-Bucky Barnes

(A/N: I'll name the song/artist in case anyone wants to listen for context.  This one is "Not Strong Enough" by Apocalyptica ft. Brent Smith)

~~~Your POV~~~

    I didn't want to go on this mission with Captain America and the Falcon.  The only selling point was that Bucky was allowed to go along.  Ok, I admit I liked the guy.  He also was an asset to any mission.  So I went to his room to ask him along on the mission.

    "Hey, Bucky, I'm going on a mission with Steve and Sam...care to come along?  We could use your help."

    In your presence my heart knows no shame...I'm not to blame...

    "Uh...sure.  I could use some fresh air."  Bucky walked out of his bathroom in sweatpants...and no shirt.  I'm pretty sure I turned a shade of red that would make the Iron Man suit look pale. 

I turned around quickly.  "I'm so sorry.  Um...meet us at the helipad in twenty, ok?"  I practically power-walked out of his room, still flushed crimson.

The mission was simple.  A bomb threat had been issued in the UN building in New York and we were sent to assess and contain any such threat.  We arrived in street clothes so as to not attract attention from bystanders or potential attackers.  Sam did a radar sweep of the building with the Redwing and determined that there was a bomb several levels up.  Bucky and I took the elevator up while Sam and Steve stayed on the ground level in the event of any problems.  I had the bomb experience, as well as being enhanced with the ability to absorb most shocks.  When we reached the floor, I found the bomb stashed under a podium and inspected it.  No timer, no detonator box...what was going to trip the bomb?

Bucky stepped behind me and before I could react, the bomb blew.  Bucky grabbed me and shielded me with his body, but we were blown through a window.  We landed on the pavement with a thud.  He looked down at me, as to check for injuries.  "Are you ok?"

I felt like I'd been hit by a bus, and when I looked down I saw several large scrapes and bruises.  "I'll live...where are Sam and Steve?"  I looked toward the door to see them ushering frightened employees out the door.  Steve walked over to us once they were all out and knelt next to me.  "What happened, Steve?"

"I don't know, but it looks as if no one was injured.  The floor the bomb was on was unoccupied at the time, so we only had to evacuate people on the lower floors."  That was at least a good thing...but what was the purpose of the bomb then?

"Ok, well let's get back to the compound and sort things out from there.  We can send agents to clean this up...maybe they'll find something we missed."

Once we got back to the compound, I was patched up and iced down.  Nothing serious, although I had to wear a brace for my sprained wrist.  Since then, though, Bucky was extra distant with me.  I couldn't understand why.  We had been pretty good friends since I started with the agency a few months ago.  Maybe it was because I'd seen him shirtless?  I wasn't going to let this go so I went to his room.

"Bucky?  Can I come in please?  I need to talk to you."  The door opened a crack and I could see one blue eye look out at me.  "Why are you avoiding me?"

"Steve told me the tests they ran in the lab determined that the bomb was set off by my arm.  The trigger was set to react any time something with vibranium came near it.  It's my fault that bomb was set...they wanted me...then it went off...it's all my fault you were hurt."

You look in my eyes, I'm stripped of my pride, my soul surrenders, and you bring my heart to its knees...

I pushed the door open to look at his whole face.  "I'm fine.  That's not a good enough reason."  I looked up at him and before I realized what I was doing, I grabbed his face and kissed him.  His arm wrapped around my waist and he returned the kiss, before pulling away quickly.

"(Y/n)...I can't.  I'm sorry...". Then the door slammed in my face.

It's killing me when you're away...

Over the following few weeks, Bucky made a point to avoid me.  He specifically had himself put on missions separately from mine.  What could I possibly have done?  Was my affection too forward?  Did he not feel anything?  I needed answers.  So I went to his best friend.

"Steve...why is Bucky avoiding me?  I don't get it.  We're friends...right?"  I mused at him over a bowl of ice cream.  "I don't know what I did wrong..."

"I'm pretty sure it's not you.  He feels really guilty about the UN incident.  I think he realized he actually cares about you."

"I doubt that.  He barely knows me.  I mean...I did kiss him...but then he shut me out.  Literally.  Like he won't even talk to me."

"I think I can figure something out."

There's nothing I can do...my heart is chained to you...

A few days later, I got a call from Steve that he needed my assistance with something in the kitchen.  When I walked in the door, I felt a hard push, then heard the slam of the door.  I hadn't even had the chance to glance up and see Bucky sitting at the table, pulling his earbud out.  "(Y/n)...what's going on?"

"I think we've been tricked."  I walked to the fridge and grabbed a beer.  I held another out to offer to him, but he waved me off.  "Ok.  What in the hell is up with you?  Is it about the bomb?  Or that kiss?  I mean, if you weren't interested all you had to do was say so and I'd have just left you-"

Before I'd finished my sentence, Bucky had stood up, taken two large steps to me, and grabbed the back of my neck with his metal arm.  His lips crashed into mine with desperation.  I instinctly wrapped my arms around his neck, running my fingers through his dark hair as I kissed him back.  He pulled away and rested his forehead on mine.  "I got...so scared.  My arm caused that explosion.  I'm not safe for you."  His ice blue eyes met my (E/c) ones and he ran his thumb along my cheek.  "Then you kissed me and I realized I wanted you and I just...can't bear to be the reason you get hurt."

I wanna leave and I wanna stay, and I'm so confused, it's hard to choose between the pleasure and the pain...

I placed my palm on his cheek and looked sternly in his face.  "Look, Bucky.  That bomb was not your fault.  If I'd been up there with Steve, his shield would have set it off.  I'm fine.  You can't just avoid me because you feel badly about one incident."

Bucky gave a slight nod, gently kissed my forehead and backed away.  "Ok, well, in that case, how about we go get coffee?"  I nodded and we left the kitchen.  Steve passed us in the hall and smirked, glad his plan had worked.