Please Come Back to Me

If love is weakness, maybe i don't want to be strong

The few hours Clarke had before sundown were treacherous. She had next to nothing to do, so she found herself looking out the window at least once every ten minutes.

Her mind was racing a million miles an hour. She didn't know what to feel, let alone how to feel. All of her emotions were jumbled up, and she couldn't seem to access them.

Anger, fear, love, hope, excitement, defeat...

They all felt like the same, she couldn't deceiver which emotion was which, which one she was supposed to feel. She knew she should be happy, she knew that she should be glad, but she... wasn't.

She didn't feel anything, maybe she was in shock, maybe she just didn't process it yet.

Clarke didn't know why she felt this way, felt so... off. She wanted to be happy, but for some reason, her brain wouldn't let her.

Maybe it was a sign, maybe Lexa really wasn't alive. Or maybe she was, and Murphy was just lying. Whatever it was that the universe was trying to tell her, she knew it was serious, yet, she couldn't stop her self from wanting to go.

She knew that she should tell Trikru, but she didn't want to get their hopes up. It would hurt Clarke to subject someone to that pain, especially someone who was close to Lexa.

It was never easy for Trikru, accepting Clarke. They thought that Lexa was being weak, falling in love was weak.

(

"Love is weakness." Lexa had whispered, her breath hitting Clarke's lips, making the blonde haired girl hitch.

"If love is weakness, maybe I don't want to be strong." Clarke replied, as her eyes shift from Lexa's lips to her eyes.

"Maybe I was never strong." Lexa shook her head, as she took a small step back, making Clarke let out a soft sigh.

"You're the strongest person I know, Lex." Clarke looked up into the commanders green eyes, the flecks of gold swirling arround, getting tied up in the dots a purple.

"Than how can I be so in love with you?"

Lexa's question made Clarke smile, something she did very often in the dark haired girls presence.

"Love makes you strong."

)

Of course, Lexa never really believed that love made you weak, and she never would. She knew how hard it was for people to admit that they were in love, and it takes a lot of strength to admit it.

Clarke let out an ear deafening sigh. She missed Lexa. She couldn't deny that, she missed Lexa more than she had ever missed anyone.

She tried to fill the hole in her heart with different things, hell, she even kissed Bellamy. She didn't really know why she did it, but as soon as she did it she knew it didn't feel right.

She worked at the hospital with Abby and Jackson for a few months, before her mother put her on Suicide Watch. After that, she didn't really feel the need to help.

She went scouting with Octavia, she spent time in Polis with Aden, she helped Raven out as much as she could, but nothing ever really made her feel completely whole again.

She didn't know if she would ever feel hole again, the only thing she knew was that she wanted to be whole. She needed to be whole, she craved it. That special feeling that so many people around her felt. She wanted to know what was so special, what made them all so happy.

Maybe she thought Lexa could make her whole, and that's why she wanted to rescue her so bad. Maybe she just wanted to save her because it was the right thing, she didn't know which it was, she just knew that it needed to happen.

The sounds of a door opening and closing brought Clarke out of her daze. Without even turning around, she knew who it was. With a click of her tongue, and her eyes rolling into the back of her head, she turned around.

"What part of "i won't see you" was unclear?" Clarke said, as she looked at the last person on the earth that she wanted to see.

"I respected you wishes for a week, Clarke. We've got bigger concerns." Lexa takes a step towards Clarke, her eyes land apon a faint scar resting on the blonds throat.

""We" don't have any concerns at all." Clarke growls out as she shoulder-checks Lexa.

"Yes, we do. I'm hosting a summit with Skaikru at sundown. You'll be returned to your people." Lexa lets out a soft breath, and she closes her eyes for a split second, processing the hate that Clarke is spewing at her.

"You went to all that trouble to capture me just to let me go?" Clarke asks, a hint of confusion in her voice.

"I went to all that trouble to save you." Lexa shakes her head.

"You know when i could have used saving? When you abandoned me at Mount Weather." Clarke spits.

"Clearly, you didn't need my help." Lexa argues.

"Clearly." Clarke scoffs, as she folds her arms.

"You're angry, Clarke, but i know you." Lexa starts, "What you've done haunts you, and its easier to hate me that it is to hate yourself."

"Oh, I can do both." Clarke scoffs.

"What would you have done if their leader had offered you the deal: Save your people at the price of mine?" Lexa says," Would you really have chosen differently?"

"I don't betray my friends." Clarke looks into Lexa's eyes, and theirs something indescribable in them, something that she's never seen before.

"But you did. You had friends in Mount Weather." Lexa shifts uncomfortably under Clarke's gaze.

"Those deaths are on you, too. The only difference is, you have no honor, and i had no choice." Clarke walks away from Lexa, knowing that if she stays, she's going to do something stupid. Clarke walks towards the door, only to be stopped by a hand.

"It helps no one to dwell on the past, and that's not why I'm here. You're right. I'm not just letting you go back to your people. I want something more. I want your people to become my people. I'm offering Skaikru the chance to join my coalition, become the 13th Clan.. No one would dare to move against you because that would mean moving against me." Lexa offers, making Clarke turn on her heals, a scoff escaping her lips.

"Just leave me alone. Do you understand that? I left." Clarke growls at Lexa, making the green eyed girl flinch slightly.

"You can't run away from who you are, Clarke. Join me. Bow before me and your people will be safe." Lexa says.

"Bow before you? You don't give a damn about my people. I know why you're here. I made you look weak at Mount Weather, and now the Ice Nation is exploding that. Well, if you want the power of Wanheda, kill me. Take it. Otherwise, go float yourself because i will never bow to you."