Can You Feel My Pain?

Chapter 3

Leah’s POV

He started to speak. “Adam don’t even start making excuses saying that I’m beautiful and amazing because I’m not.”

This started him. I started to look around the room there were specks of blood from where I was sitting before and also was the packet of blade lying next to it. I could feel the tears building up in my eyes but I refused to cry again so I blinked rapidly to stop them.

“It’s okay to cry… it a natural thing that happens when you’re sad”

“I’m sad most of the time so do you expect me to cry all the time?” I snapped at him.

“It’s not what I meant” he said looking away from he.

“I’m sorry” I was starting to feel guilty for snapping at him. “It’s okay we all feel sad sometime there’s no need to apologise Leah.”

“No I’m not sorry for snapping at you… well I’m sorry for that as well but I’m more sorry that you have to see me like this” for the first time today I looked into his eyes I took a deep breath before continuing “I just don’t like myself, I’m fat and ugly and nothing anyone says can change the way I feel about myself. My hair is stupid it’s just flat and in random waves. I have fat legs and my stomach is just massive and not flat like everyone else’s.” I don’t know why I was saying this to him but I couldn’t stop.

“I don’t have a special talent like Andy, I’m just plain old me” I confessed.

Just as Adam was about to protest his phone rang. Thank God I couldn’t deal with this conversation right now considering the emotional state I’m in right now.

“Hello… yeah I’m alright.  How are you babe… I know I miss you to… I don’t know when we’ll be back… I’m sorry I have something to sort out first… love you too bye” with that he pressed the end call but I really didn’t know who he could have been talking to. I decided to ask him. 

“Adam?” I said unsure whether or not to ask about it. I didn’t want to get too much into his personal life, but seeing as he knew everything about me asking would have been I must have been contemplating this for too long because when I looked up he was staring at me probably waiting for me to finish my sentence.

“Who were you talking to?” He thought about it for a minute, I could tell by the look on his face that he was wondering if he should tell me. “A girl from back in London” is what he decided to tell me. But I could tell by the way he was avoiding eye-contact then it wasn’t just ‘A Girl’.

“Then why are you blushing?” I said with a smirk. I knew what he meant but the fact that he wasn’t telling me annoyed me a bit , the fact that I had told him more about me than I had told anyone else.

Adam’s POV

I knew that Leah was pissed off that I didn’t tell her about the phone call. But I didn’t think that telling her in her bathroom was the most appropriate time to talk about things. The blood splashed floor tiles and the open pack of blades was really starting to freak me out. Andy and Ryan were most likely to be stood outside the door in shock about everything that was going on. I felt sorry for Andy I still can’t believe Leah hadn’t told him about her cutting problem yet. But being the overly protective brother he is he would have freaked out and had her of 24/7 watch.

“Would you want to go for a coffee or something to talk properly?” I hoped she said yes could I couldn’t be in the room anymore I was starting to feel queasy. I let out a huge sigh of relief when she agreed. I stood up and reached out my hand to help her up when I realised that the blood was still dripping down her arm.  I quickly went to the cupboard praying that there were bandages in there. To my luck I found some and cleaned her wound and put a bandage on it. 

I went to the door before I opened it I looked at her for her approval, she slowly nodded with that I opened the door to show Ryan and Andy. Ryan looked up at us then at Andy who was still stood in the same position that I had left him in. Leah sped past him grabbed her bag and jacket and ran down the stairs toward the door and started to put her shoes on.

Andy was staring at me I just shrugged refusing to look him in the eyes. “Adam please tell me what’s going on. That’s my little sister and I scared for her” I could hear the cracks in his voice I could tell he was on the verge of crying. “Honestly mate I don’t know what’s up with her. And it’s not my thing to tell, she’ll tell you when she is ready.” What else could I have told him ‘you’re the reason you sister has been cutting herself because your always calling her fat and ugly. And she thinks she is useless cause she isn’t as talented as you’ that wouldn’t have solved anything.

Just as Andy was about to speak again I heard Leah’s voice from down stairs “Adam are you coming or not?” Andy gave me a questioning look I replied with “Going to talk over coffee, want to help her mate I really do.” Andy just simply nodded and mouthed thanks. I gave him a man-hug and headed down stairs to an impatient Leah.

We walked to a Costa, there was about 5 other people in there dotted across the shop. We sat at a table in the corner of the shop away from anyone else so we could speak properly. I was about to ask Leah about her cutting issues when a young girl walked up to us she looked like she was in her early 20’s.

“Hi, I’m Emma your waitress can I take your order?” She said flashing us a smile. “Erm I would like a latte with a ham and chicken Panini please” I said to the girl and looked to Leah who was focusing deeply at the menu. After a couple of second she looked up and said “could I just have a plain hot chocolate please” I knew what she was doing it was something to do with that stupid diet of hers. Just as the waitress was about to right down the order I spoke up “Actually she won’t. Don’t worry about your diet Leah I’m going to treat you” I said looking deeply into her eyes which were welling up “She will have a hot chocolate with whipped cream and a slice of vanilla sponge cake with that please” I said to the girl with a smile. “Yeah sure, I’ll get that to you straight away. You guys make a beautiful couple by the way” Leah’s eyes shot open and she corrected the girl “You must be mistaken, we’re not together, well we are but not in the way you think. He is like my best friend anyway”

The girl seemed embarrassed and stated to apologize like mad. “It’s fine honestly” I reassured her and she turned and walked away.

“Anyway Adam we couldn’t be together because you have someone else” She said cheekily with a wink. Just as was about to protest my phone rang. Leah grabbed it and answered it.

“Hey who is this…? I’m Leah… Yes I’m with Adam… Oh not like that he’s my best friend… Who are you anyway…? His girlfriend, oh he hasn't told me about you… What’s your name love? Carys…