Can You Feel My Pain?

Chapter 18

Ryan's POV

It's nice to see people's true colour, how one day they are all flirty with you and the next they completely ignore you. I walked back to my room after saying goodbye to 'what's her name' this meant I had to walk past Joel's room, great. I could see the door open, could this get any worse. I walked as quickly I could without making it obvious taking a sneak peek into the room as I went. Just as I expected she was all over him. Giggling like she did when she was with me. What am I talking about she was never officially with me. But why? What is so wrong with me? Sure Joel is like the boy next door heart throb, but what about little old Ryan.

"Rhino?" Oh God.

"Ryan we need to talk."

"We don't." I said sharply mentally refusing to turn around.

"Yes we do." I felt the warmth of a hand on my back. I quickly shrugged it off and continued to talk  "I have nothing to say to you."

"But I have something to say to you. Will you at least give me the respect to listen to me?"

"Give you the respect? Why? You sure didn't give it to me!" I said turning around to look into those familiar blue eyes. Those eyes that one sparkled now wash over with fear. That fear that I saw back in Liverpool.

"What have I actually done to you to make you hate me so much. Don't you really think it should be the other way round?"

"You left." I said quietly.

"I never left Ryan, I've always been here."

"No you haven't. Maybe physically but not mental. You’re not the same, you've changed."

"No I haven't" she whispered.

"Don't lie. You have. You used to be so nice to everyone, nice to me. Now all you care about is your little boyfriend."

"Don't talk about him like that"

"Why? Why shouldn't I? He is supposed to be my best friend. He sure isn't acting like it"

"He still is your best friend. Have you ever thought that you’re not acting like his? You supposed to be happy for him, happy for us. But your being nothing but hostile toward everyone."

I kept quiet.

"He makes me happy Ryan..."

"And didn't I?"

"You did but..."

"But what? Am I not good enough for you? Oh well this is brilliant Leah's found herself worth. But for when it all comes crashing down. Why don't you have this back."

I turned around and reach towards my dresser and grabbed it. Grabbing her hand and placing it into it. She looked at me surprised and slowly opened her hand to revile the blade. She quickly threw it out of her hand slowly looking up at me. Tears filled her eyes.

"Ryan" she managed to say. I felt my heart break. What had I done. I threw my arms around her and watched her break down.

"Leah I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. It just gets me mad that you’re not mine. That's why I've been so off with you and Joel. Seeing you together just breaks my heart. I like you Leah. Wait I think I love you..."

She pulled away and looked up at me.

"I love you too Ryan but as a friend. Joel might be my boyfriend but you will always be my best friend. I can't deal with you not talking to me. I need you in my life Rhino."