Can You Feel My Pain?

Chapter 5

Leah's POV

"What?" I couldn't believe what I had just heard "you think I'm beautiful... You're lying, you must be! I..." He cut my off by placing his finger on my mouth and hushed. I could my heart beat increase rapidly.

He started to speak again "Leah your beautiful, you really are. And whoever has ever told you otherwise is an idiot... Trust me" My eyes started to fill up with tear, I blinked and let one fall astray down my cheek. Ryan simply whipped it with his thumb. 

Ryan's POV

I didn't know what I was doing. My hormones were taking over me. I knew that Andy would have killed me if he knew what I was going to do next. 

I moved my finger from her lips and cupped her face with my hand. I leant in close and softly kissed her. At first there was nothing in return and I started to panic. But after a few seconds I could feel her kiss me back, it started to get more passionate but was rudely interrupted by someone slamming the door open. 

“Ryan what the hell are you doing?” Adam shouted as he slammed the door shut. I turned to Leah, she looked pale and had tears forming in her eyes. A flood of guilt washed over me.

I was about to speak when Adam interrupted me again “Do you know what Ryan I don’t even care.” He started “Leah are you alright” he said taking off all the attention from me.

“I’m fine” she said in a whisper not taking her eyes off me.

“Are you sure? You don’t look too good.” Adam replied to her, I didn’t understand why he kept asking her questions it wasn’t helping the tension that was in the air right now.

I took this moment to try to escape. “Where do you think you’re going Ryan?” Damn it I was so almost out the door. “I’m just going to check on Andy seeing as he has been sat down there for the past hour alone.” I lied. Adam simply nodded his head.

Leah’s POV

I didn’t understand what was going on. Why did Ryan kiss me? Does it mean he likes me? Do I like him? All these questions were running through my mind at round 100 miles an hour. I was slipping into my own little world again when a warm hand on my shoulder brought me back into reality.

“What happened?" Adam asked

“What happened when?” I was going to do anything to avoid answering this question. It wasn’t what I need right now to be asked about my feelings and emotions. I looked up at Adam his lips opened which could only mean one thing. He was going to ask again.

“I don’t know what happened Adam, honestly I don’t know where my head is at right now. I mean he couldn’t like me could he, but if he doesn’t then why did he kiss me… Did he just use me, well obviously cause no guy would actually want to be with a girl like me…” I was rambling, I knew I was but I couldn’t stop myself from talking. It felt like I wasn’t actually talking to Adam but I reassuring myself. Suddenly I was stopped by a hand covering my mouth. I stuck my tongue out and licked it which made me giggle. 

“As gross as that was, its like having the old Leah back” Adam said to me. I smiled in return but this time it was different it was a real smile because I was actually happy for once. “I missed seeing that smile of yours.” Adam signed before starting to talk again.

“Look Leah, I know a lot has happened over these past few years, some things you might not want to talk to me about. But I can tell how different you have been, you don’t seem to be genially happy anymore; you don’t smile, laugh, or having any type of fun anymore. And the whole cutting thing really scares me because I never know when you are going to do major damage to yourself which could kill you…” I started to tear up I didn’t know why he was saying this but it was what I needed to hear.

“… I just want the old Leah back, the one who didn’t give a shit about what people thought about her, the one who believed in herself, the one who thought that she was beautiful. You don’t deserve to hate yourself. You’re an amazing girl who is beautiful and smart with a lot of potential if you believed in yourself.”

The last words hit me hard and I broke down. I felt two arms wrap around me to comfort me. This time I didn’t run away because I didn’t want to run from my problems anymore.

After around ten minute the tears had run dry. I felt like all the emotion and pain and hurt I had been holding back these few years had finally been released. I made a promise to myself to never harm myself again, a promise I was determined to keep.

I knew what I had to do right then I got loose from Adam’s grasp and made my was down stairs to Andy…