Blood, Depression, And Tears

Talk

I look over at him and say "No one would ask a question like that 'just to know', John." John looked at me and said "Are you gonna answer my question or not?" Fuck. "If I answer yours then you have to answer mine, deal?" John sighed and said okay. I took a deep breath and said "Yeah...I still have feelings for you. Now answer mine." John sighed and said "I asked cause I've been thinking about you a lot lately a-and...I think I have feelings for you again..." I stood quiet and just thought to myself. So, he needed to break up with me to realize that he loved me, two years later? Ugh. I love him but I don't think I can handle the emotional stress that comes also with dating my ex again.
[But this is a once in a lifetime opportunity]
{He's giving you a chance you nutcase}
I hit my head and said "Shut it you two." John just looked confused but he think he always knew I was never 'all there'. God the voices are back make it stop. I had the voices when I was dating John back in college. Even then I think he knew I wasn't all there. I honestly want to try and make this happen. "So what do you plan to do with those feelings, hm?" I said quietly. John shrugged and said "I was thinking I could break up with Saffron a-and...maybe date you again?" Again he had me speechless.
{This is you're chance}
[Dont fuck it up, psycho]
"T-That would actually be nice, but you have to promise me you won't hide anything from me." I said. John nodded and replied with "As long as you don't hide anything from me, I won't hide anything from you." I smiled to myself as we made our walk home. As we walked home John had asked again 'why did I go to the hospital?' I had showed him my wrist but I didn't tell why I did it. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction and the guilt of me still being hung up over him enough to do that. Plus, it would kind of be embarrassing for me to say that to him. The rest of the walk was basically silent, besides me hitting my head and telling the voices to shut up. When got back to the house Rose instantly grabbed my hand and dragged me to her room. I guess she wants to know what happened. I'm venturing into dangerous territory trying to date John again....