I Won't Tell You I Love You

chapter five

"I love you, I'll never let you go"
- Tenth Avenue North
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WAKING up, Adley realised the date. Rushing out of bed, she grabbed the first t-shirt she could find, and shoved her shorts on. She didn't bother to do anything with her hair. She had hoped to leave before Theo was up, but she'd slept in. Running downstairs, she noticed her older brother sat on the windowsill, holding a photo. She knew exactly who it was of.

"Theo... are you okay?" She asked, worried. Upon hearing her voice, Theo sharply turned his head to face his sister.
"Uh- yeah. I should be asking you that question. You going alone?"
"Yeah. I- I have to."
"Adley, it's the first year. You sure you don't want me or Mara to come with you?"
"I'm sure, T. I promise I'll be okay. I'll call you if I'm not."
"Alright, Ad. I love you. So much."
"I love you too, T. If I'm not back by the time Ama's up, tell her where I am?"
"Of course." With that, Adley rushed out the house, jumping on her skateboard.

As Adley got to the graveyard, she paused to remember where the headstone was.
14 down, 6 to the right. She thought to herself. You can do this.
She made her way down.
3... 4...

Eventually, she got to the 14th row.
14 down. 6 to the right.
Pausing to take a breath, Adley tried to stop the thoughts that were telling her it was her fault.

It wasn't your fault. She told herself. It wasn't...
By the time she opened her eyes, she realised she'd walked 5 headstones to the right. Taking one more step, Adley turned to face it.

Acacia Rylie Easton. Beloved daughter, sister and friend. Will always be remembered. 18th April, 1995 - 22nd June, 2016.
Adley read on the headstone. This piece of stone... a piece of carved stone, that meant so much more than it seemed. Sitting down, Adley rested her back on it, closing her eyes, and thought about everything. How did it come to this?

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Eli walked towards the gravestone with Erica's name on it. He eventually got to it, and knelt down.
Erica Jane Anderson. Daughter, sister, friend. 24th June, 2007 - 22nd June, 2016. Gone, but not forgotten.
Balling his fists up, Eli punched the ground. It still didn't seem real. She was so... happy. He was happy. Looking up with tears in his eyes, Eli noticed something. Standing up, he looked closer.
"Adley." He whispered to himself. He slowly walked towards her. The girl he could call his best friend. His only friend.

Adley opened her tear stained eyes to see a figure standing over her. Squinting in the bright sunlight, she realised who it was.
"Eli?" Adley did a double take, confused. "What are you doing here?"
"I assume what any normal person goes to a graveyard for." Sitting down bedside Adley, he stared at her. "You okay, Lee?"
"Do you want the honest answer, or the short one?" She sniffed.
"Honest."

"No. No, Eli. I'm not okay. My birthday's in a week, and everyone will be expecting me to celebrate and be all happy as Larry. But I can't. I can't celebrate getting a year older when she isn't able to. Will never be able to."
"Who, Lee?"

Adley moved to the side, showing Eli her sister's gravestone. Eli read it, and tears pricked in his eyes.
"Your sister..." Eli looked up at Adley, tears rolling down his cheeks. Adley nodded in response. "22nd June... the same date that..." With a sudden realisation, Eli stared at her.

"What's wrong, Eli?"
"Lee, that's the same date that my sister..."
"You have a sister?"
"Had. I had a sister, Lee."
"Seems like we have more in common than we thought."
"Yeah."
"It was my fault..." Adley's voice cracked as she said that, and it came out as barely louder than a whisper.

"W-what do you mean, Lee? What happened to your sister?"
Adley sighed, unsure of what she was about to say. But she had to tell him.

"Last year... I- I had an argument with my parents. It was over something stupid. I overreacted and ran out the house. When I still hadn't come back by the time it got dark, Ac- my older sister came out to look for me. Apparently on foot first, but she had to go back and get h- her car. I'd walked all the way down one of the back roads. She found me, but she wasn't angry. She never got angry at me. She told me I was her favourite sibling." Adley gave a sad smile after her last sentence. Wiping her cheek with the back of her hand, she continued talking.

"We were going round the corner. She looked to the side for a split second, and CRASH! The next thing I knew, I- I was in the back of an ambulance and she was on a stretcher with something covering her. I had no idea what was going on, but as soon as I saw that and her smashed up, write-off of a car, I'd worked it out. I didn't care how badly injured I was, I jumped up and ran over to her, tears streaming down my face. My parents were there, and they tried to stop me. "Adley, don't!" I remember them shouting. But by the time they got to me, I'd already lifted the cover off her. I will never forget her face under that. It was bloody, all over. H- her eyes were shut, and she was c- cold. I knew then that she was d- dead. I screamed, and collapsed on the ground, crying my fucking eyes out.

"It's all my fault!" I remember screaming. My parents held me, crying. They had told Theo to keep Amara at home. She was fourteen, and they didn't want her seeing Acacia like this. They didn't want me seeing Acacia like that, but I did. And her bloody face still haunts me. I- I was told that a little girl- in the other car..." Adley's voice cracked, and she couldn't bring herself to say it. Looking down, she wiped her eyes, still crying.

"Erica..." Eli looked at Adley, suddenly realising something. "Adley, you said on a back road, right?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Was it Willow Lane?"
Adley suddenly looked up at Eli, wondering how he knew that.

"Yeah, how the hell did you know that?"
"Lee... that other little girl you mentioned, the one in the other car. That was m-my sister." His voice broke as he said that.
"What?!"
"I'm serious, Lee. Come over here."
"But  I- I didn't see anyone else that was... c-covered." Eli took a deep breath before speaking.

"She was brought to the hospital with 'life threatening injuries'. She died an hour later."
"I-I'm so sorry, Eli." Adley told him, shaking.
"Come with me, Lee."

Eli led Adley to his little sister's gravestone. Reading it, Adley burst into tears again.
"Eli, I'm so sorr-"
"No." Eli cut her off. "I don't want you apologising, Lee." Eli's tears became more rapid, until the two of them both had tears streaming down their faces.

"But it was my fault, Eli! If I hadn't run away-"
"Adley, stop! Did you ask for my dad's car to come speeding round the corner? No! Did you ask for my dad's car to crash into your sister's? No! Did you ASK for my sister, or your sister, to die? NO! It is NOT your fault, Lee! It's NOT your fault. It's not." Eli's vision started to blur due to all the tears leaving his eyes. Adley broke down then, her knees giving way.

"S-she- your s-sister was two days off being n-nine, Eli." Adley was shaking as she spoke.
"I know, Lee! That's why it sucks ass, but I can't have you blaming yourself!" The tone of his voice made him seem angry, but Adley could tell he wasn't. At least, not at her. He seemed... angry at the world. At everyone who ever did him or his sister wrong. At fate - the deadly fate that cost his little sister her life that day. But no, he wasn't angry at Adley.

"I- I can't help it, Eli! I can't control the thoughts that tell me, every day, that it was my fault. I try, I try every day to get rid of them, but it's fucking useless! I don't know what else to do, Eli!"
"I can help you, Lee." Looking up through glassy eyes, Adley's face was a picture of distraught. Desperation.
"How?!"

"Because- I- I love you, Lee! Okay? I hate seeing you this upset!" Eli blurted out.
Silence. Adley's gaze was set on Eli's face, and Eli's on Adley.
"Y- you what?" Adley could barely form a sentence as she stared at him.

"You heard me, Lee. I expect half of England heard me. I fucking love you." Adley knew he was serious. He hadn't said a single swear word since she'd met him. Adley stood up so quickly that it made her dizzy, but she didn't care. She crashed into Eli's arms, squeezing him as hard as she could, burying her face in his shoulder. Eli wrapped his arms around her, almost as if protecting her.

The two cried in each other's arms, not saying a word. Just holding each other.

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