I Won't Tell You I Love You

chapter seventeen

"Don't get too close, it's dark inside
It's where my demons hide"
- Imagine Dragons
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*A/N: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS THEMES/SCENES OF SUICIDE/ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. READ WITH CAUTION.*

FOR ADLEY, the next week was a blur. It consisted of Theo and Amara trying their hardest to get her out of bed, to get her to eat, to get her to talk...

But it was no use. She couldn't remember what day it was, never mind the last time she ate. She just laid in bed, facing the wall, silent. No expression on her face, and the occasional tear rolled down her cheeks. The only responses she gave her siblings were "mm" or a quiet "no". She couldn't even tell when or if she slept. She was numb. Completely and utterly numb.

She sniffed gently as Theo walked in her room, slowly turning around to face him - something she hadn't done since she first got into bed.

"Well that's an improvement," Theo smiled softly. "At least you're looking at me."
Adley smiled sadly at her brother, staring at him. He stared back lovingly, sighing.

"Please tell me you've been taking your meds, Ad." Theo said, worried. Adley only gave him a non-convincing mumble, and closed her eyes.

"Adley." Theo urged, nudging her - and he managed to get a word out of her that wasn't mumbled.
"Yes!" Adley exclaimed, much to Theo's surprise. He knew she was lying, but he couldn't push her.
"Well, I'm just going to go and grab a few things from the shop, and Amara's out in the garden, okay?" He said as he stroked her hair and left her room.

She waited until she heard the front door open and close, got out of bed and got dressed in her favourite underwear, her favourite T-shirt and her favourite pair of shorts. She didn't know what else to do. She couldn't see a way out. Not anymore.

So she made sure her sister didn't hear or see her, and made her way to the beach, never putting her shoes on. She saw the corner of Eli's house as she got to the beach, and shoved her hands in the pockets of her shorts, quickening her pace.

She got to the sand and began to undress, leaving her clothes on the ground. And she just walked straight in.

_______

As Theo walked in the front door, he put down the shopping bag.

"Ad, I got your favourite!" He called out, to which there was no reply. He began making his way upstairs to find his sister. As he walked into her room, he was shocked to find her not there. He looked under her pillow, only to find a pile of her anti-depressants that she hadn't taken. He feared the worst then, running outside to Amara.

"Mara? Mara!" He called out, as Amara spun around.
"What is it, T?" She questioned her older brother, standing up.
"Where the fuck is Adley?" He asked her, panicking.

"What do you mean 'where is she'? Is she not in her room?" She blurted, running inside.
"No, she- fuck. The beach." Theo hissed urgently, sprinting through the house and out the front door, Amara close behind.

They got to the beach in seconds, only to find Adley's clothes - but no Adley.

"Fuck! Adley, where are you?" Theo shouted in desperation. And it was then that he realised - the ocean. He ran in, not bothering to take his clothes or shoes off. He felt around until he found her. He dragged out an unconscious Adley, her eyes closed and her body freezing cold. He had cold tears streaming down his face, and Amara was the same. She went to help her brother pull Adley out, placing her on the ground.

"Get her top, Mara. And her underwear." Theo stuttered, not looking up. Amara put Adley's top and pants on her gently as Theo started CPR on his younger sister. "Call an ambulance!" He shouted, still doing chest compressions.
"Already on it." Amara stammered as she dialled 999 on her phone.

"She's still not breathing!" Theo yelled, his face wet with tears as he tried mouth-to-mouth to try to get his sister to breathe.
"The ambulance is on its way." Amara whispered, out of breath from panic.

Adley coughed then, spluttering out a load of water. Theo let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and hugged his sister as if he was never letting go. Amara rushed over then, hugging her from behind. Adley laid back down, her energy gone.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry..." She began, but was cut off by Theo.
"Ssshhh... save your breath, Ad." He cooed softly, stroking her hair.

Then came the sound of sirens. The siblings just sat there as the paramedics came running down onto the beach. They gave Adley an oxygen mask and covered her with blankets as they lifted her onto a stretcher and put her in the ambulance.

And that's when Theo saw him. Eli was making his way to the beach when he saw the ambulance, with Theo and Amara stood next to it. He sprinted over, his face a picture of desperation and panic.

"Don't tell me..." He began, tears escaping his hazel eyes.
"Adley." Theo whispered, looking down.
"W-What-what happened? Is she- is she okay? Can I-" The questions kept coming as he longed for the girl he loved to be alive.

"She's breathing. Theo saved her." Amara told him as she smiled softly and sadly at her brother, hugging his side. He put his arm around his little sister, holding her tight. Eli breathed a sight of relief, but still looked around for Adley.

"We can only fit one of you in the ambulance with her, I'm afraid. Who will it be?" One of the paramedics asked, looking at the three of them.

"Um- Eli, you can drive, right?" Theo began, turning to Eli, who nodded. "Okay. I'll go with Adley in the ambulance, you and Amara take my car and meet us there." He said as he tossed his still-wet car keys over to Eli. Theo got into the ambulance, and Amara and Eli watched as they drove off.

"Um, should we go?" Eli asked Amara awkwardly.
"Yeah. This way." Amara replied quietly as she lead Eli to her brother's car. They both got in, and began driving in an awkward silence. Until Eli spoke.

"W-what do you t-think happened?" He stuttered, looking at Amara.
"Honestly?" She began, to which Eli nodded. "I think she did it on purpose."
"W-what do you m-mean?" Eli whispered, but he feared he already knew.

"I think she tried to kill herself." Amara mumbled, her voice barely above a whisper.

"W-what? W-Why?" Eli's voice was full of sadness and panic, and the fear of not knowing.

"She has severe depression, Eli. I should've seen it coming." She said as her voice broke, tears now streaming down her face.

Eli couldn't get any words out, and only put his hand on Amara's to comfort her.

I'm sorry, Ads. Amara thought, her baby blue eyes glistening, wet with tears.

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