Happy Pills | Falsettos DISCONTINUED

.ii.

After I spoke, silence filled the room again. Everyone was wearing a heartbroken expression, unsure of what to say next. I just stared past them, at the wall. I couldn't bear to look at them right now. I'd never been more open about anything in my life, and now it seemed I was being punished for it.

Finally, Trina spoke up, quietly. "Do you really think that?"
"You're gonna have to be more specific, Trin." I replied.
"That I can't live happily with Mendel because you'll 'interfere'?"
I shrugged. "Well, kinda."
"Marv, you haven't done anything wrong. Sure, it sometimes got annoying having you over for dinner all the time, but we did it for Jason."
I shrugged again.
"Mendel," She urged him to speak, but the man looked at a loss for words.
"I agree with Trina, you don't interfere with our marriage; you're just looking out for your son. And I get it, you don't like me, but that shouldn't stand between-"
I cut him off. "Whatever, Mendel. We all know all any of you are gonna do now is go in a circle, explaining why what I thought isn't true, but as soon as I'm out of here, it's all back to normal. Everyone hates everyone around them and nobody even thinks to check up on the suicidal guy." I glanced around at them to see they were all shocked by what I'd said. "Don't look at me like that, we all know it's true!"
"Marvin, don't," Whizzer said softly. It was only the third time he'd spoken all day, and seeing as the last time he spoke directly to me, it was basically to bitch me out, it didn't feel very sincere.
"Don't what? Tell the truth?" I asked bitterly.
"Don't make people feel bad for not knowing what was going on inside your head! We're not fucking psychics! You go to a therapist, how about actually talking about your mental health problems instead of just bitching about how our ralationship failed and how I was 'such a horrible boyfriend'! Maybe talk to your doctor friend about getting you meds! There are so many things you could've done before resorting to this, Marvin, and you can't just blame everyone else for it! It was your choice to do this, not ours!" He shouted.
I was dumfounded and now felt guilty, but stayed quiet as I had absolutely no clue how to respond to that.
After a moment, he scoffed at me, then turned to leave. I assumed he'd be back, but it's hard to tell with him.
"He makes a good point, y'know." Charlotte stated.
"Agreed." Mendel commented.
"You could've spoken to either of us about this, Marvin, we're both doctors."
"And it's not like we'd turn around and tell people, if that's what you're thinking. I've broken patient confidentiality before, but never over something as serious as this."
"We could've helped you."
"But we all know we can't do that unless you help yourself."

With that, everyone left. I was left to sit in silence, processing what they'd all said, but it wasn't something I wanted to do. Especially not right now. But what Mendel said hung in the air and rang through my ears; it was like a broken record.
I tried to help myself, it's not my fault he's a shit therapist that doesn't know how to actually help his patients. Hell, last time he tried, he ended up marrying her!
After that thought, what Whizzer said came into mind. I can't just blame other people for this, it was my decision.
But even still, that doesn't change the fact that Mendel really is a shitty therapist.

I sighed, breaking the silence in the room that was only otherwise broken by the occasional drip of my IV.
Now all I wanted was for them to come back, whereas when they were here, all I wanted was for them to leave me alone. Funny, them leaving me alone led to this stupid decision that I was now growing to regret.
I wanted to apologize. For everything; blaming them, attempting this, thinking everyone would be happier if I was gone... But now they're gone and I can't. And who knows when, or if, they'll come back.
I'm almost positive Whizzer won't, but I can't see Mendel and Trina not letting Jason see me. But, then again, that doesn't mean they'll come in with him. Cordi seemed pretty mad, but Charlotte has to come back. I mean, she's my doctor, she has to... Right?

I groaned, running my hands down my face, continuing to reflect on my mistakes and the decisions that led me here. And after doing that, I can say it's something I'd rather not do ever again. It was a dark hole that I never realized I had, filled with everything I've ever done wrong. Figuratively, of course, but in all seriousness, I have made a lot of mistakes and they all seemed to lead here.
It was a difficult realization to come to, but it was good that I did.
Maybe now that I'd realized this, things could change.

Maybe...