Happy Pills | Falsettos DISCONTINUED

.iv.

"Okay, you got everything?" Whizzer asked, standing at the door of my room, waiting for me so we could pick up the meds, then go back home.
"Well, considering all I had was the clothes they found me in, I'd say yes." I smirked from beside the bed.
"Okay, y'know what?"
I laughed. "What?"
He paused, making me laugh again. "Shut up, let's go."

After we picked up my pills, Whizzer drove us home.
Once we were inside, I ran to the bathroom to throw out the bloody blade I'd left on the counter. After wrapping it in way too much toilet paper, I threw it in the garbage can beside the toilet.
I then turned around to wash my hands, when I saw Whizzer standing in the doorway with his arms crossed from the corner of my eye. He didn't look very impressed.
"I threw it out!" I tried defending myself as I turned on the tap. The water was freezing cold, which felt nice and refreshing, but also numbing which was something I needed.
"You'd better throw out the bag now so you're not tempted to use it again."
I groaned. "Whiz, don't you trust me?"
"Usually, yes, but not right now. Throw out the bag, please."
"Fine." I turned off the tap and shook my hands in the sink, getting off any excess water, then dried them off on the towel behind me. I then took the bag out of the small, white bin, tied it up, and went outside with it, Whizzer following close behind to make sure I actually did this.

Once we were back inside, I kicked off my shoes and went to the couch which now had little drops of blood stained into the cushions. I gently rubbed one of the stains with my thumb, once again reliving my attempt.
Whizzer sat down beside me, placing one of his hands on mine, the one that was touching the stain. "We can get the stain out,"
I shook my head. "No,"
He looked confused. "Why?"
I looked him in the eye, before looking away. "I don't really want to talk about it, okay? I think I've been the subject of far too many conversations these past two days."
"Okay..."

Later in the afternoon, as we were cuddling on the couch, Whizzer spoke softly. "Y'know... You never really said it was okay for me to move back in..."
"Well, it is."
"That didn't sound very sincere. Are you sure?" He joked.
I laughed slightly. "Yes, Whiz, it's fine."
He turned to face me, smiling. "I missed you."
I smiled in return. "I missed you too."
We then shared a kiss before focusing our attention back on the TV.

Eventually, we both fell asleep, waking up closer to midnight.
"Marv," Whizzer spoke softly with a groggy morning voice.
I hummed in response, not opening my eyes.
"I gotta go get pajamas."
I hummed again.
"Are you okay to stay alone? I live on the other side of the city,"
"Yes, Whiz, I'll be fine. Just go,"
He stifled quiet laugh. "Okay, I'll be back soon."
He placed a kiss on my head before leaving. Once he got up, I realized how cold the room was, so I sleepily made my way to the bedroom, climbing under the sheets.
At that point, I was too awake from the cold and moving to fall back asleep peacefully, so my mind wandering back to where it was most familiar... The place that landed me in the hospital in the first place.
Destructive thoughts raced through my head to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I locked the front door before going into the bathroom and popping a blade from an unopened razor head.
God, I hope Whizzer doesn't come home now... Not that he'd be able to get in anyways. Not only does he not have a key, but the spare is still inside from when Charlotte and Cordi came in.
I'm so tired of reminiscing on that day. At least I know doing this will distract my mind.

Now, the question was where... Somewhere Whizzer wouldn't see right away, which automatically puts wrists off the list. Maybe thighs? It's been a while since I did anything to them... And it's not like I'm gonna be wearing shorts in April in New York, plus I just attempted suicide, so it's not like we're gonna be fooling around for a while...
Perfect, thighs it is.

I pushed the sheets and comforter off my lap, then shuffled my pants off, just to my knees. Then, without second thought, I dug the razor into my skin, dragging it roughly across in a line, back and forth for a couple seconds until I was satisfied with the size and depth of the wound.
This continued until I heard a knock at the door, making me jump, followed by Whizzer's voice calling out to me.

"Marvin? You locked me out, come on!" His muffled voice rang through the small apartment.
I panicked, trying to think of a place to hide the blade that he wouldn't think of looking. Finally, I settled on hiding it under the mattress on my side. Then, I slid my pants back up, and ran to the door.
"Sorry, Whiz," I said quietly once the door was open. I hid the majority of my body behind the door, peeking out at him. "Force of habit."
He flashed a smile. "It's fine, let's just go to bed."
I nodded, waiting for him to come inside. Once he was, I exhaled, closing the door.

Then, I followed him to bed, not changing from my sweatpants, but taking off my shirt before joining Whizzer in bed, cuddling up against him, resting my head against his chest. He chuckled.
"You're cuddly today,"
"I missed you." I whispered.
"I missed you too, Marv," He whispered in return, kissing my forehead. "Did... Anything happen while I was gone?"
I hesitated. Do I tell him the truth and face ridicule, or lie and hope he accepts it. "No,"
"You hesitated."
"No, I didn't."
He hummed in response, ending the conversation. I knew he didn't believe me, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him what really happened.