Happy Pills | Falsettos DISCONTINUED

.xi.

When we got into the bedroom, we crawled into bed; Whiz, surprisingly, let me cuddle up to him. He wrapped an arm around me, protectively, as I lay with my head on his chest.
"You know I love you, right?" He asked, lightly rubbing my arm up and down.
I nodded.
Whizzer leaned over and lightly pressed a kiss to my forehead which soon progressed to passionate kisses.
Before I knew it, he was on top of me, beginning to take of my pants. He got them down to about my mid thigh, before I panicked, yelling, "Stop!", but it was too late. His eyes went big as he took his hand back. He sat silently beside me.

He stared ahead for a moment before speaking. "How long?"
"Since I got back."
"From the hospital?"
I nodded.
"Why?"
"Lots of reasons."
"Enlighten me." He said sarcastically. Though I couldn't see, I could tell he'd rolled his eyes.
"Whizzer, I don't want to bore you or annoy you or weigh you down with what I've done in the past. It really doesn't matter."
"I beg to differ. The majority of those felt really fresh."
I sighed. "Do you really want to know or do you just feel obligated to ask?"
"I want to know; I care about you and your wellbeing. You're supposed to tell me when you do things like this or when you feel like doing things like this so I can help you through it. Believe it or not, Marvin, I genuinely want you to get better. Don't let yourself think otherwise."
I nodded again. "The first time was the night you left to get pajamas."
"The first night back? Really?"
"Yeah... I got up from the couch and was too awake to go back to sleep peacefully, so my mind wandered which lead to..." I gestured to my legs.
"And have you done it since?"
"After my first session with Mendel when I said I was taking a nap."
"Is that it?"
"So far, yes."
"Don't say it like that, you're not gonna do it again."
"It's not that easy. Cutting turns into an addiction quickly, and, just like any other addiction, you can't just quit cold turkey."
"Well I'm not letting you continue to hurt yourself just so you can ease off of this. Is there something else you can do that would achieve the same thing but without actually harming you?"
I thought. "I've heard holding ice cubes in your hands helps... Elastic bands around your wrist that you snap when you get the urge to cut... Drawing where you want to harm..."
"We'll try all those and see what works best, okay?"
"Okay,"
"We'll get rid of the blade in the morning." He kissed my forehead, laying back down with his arm out flat against the mattress, inviting me back in. "I love you."
I lay down beside him once again, resting my head back on his chest as he wrapped his arm back around me with the same protective grip as before. "I love you, too."

It was silent after that. I stared at the ceiling while Whiz tried to fall asleep.
"What would you have done?" I asked quietly.
He turned to face me, confused. "What?"
"What would you have done? If I'd... Y'know, been successful?"
"Marvin,"
I now faced him. "I'm serious, Whiz. What would you have done?"
He sighed, running a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck as best he could without sitting up. "I don't know, Marv, that's a pretty heavy question."
"I know,"
"Why do you even want to know?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. Just curious." Wondering what I could trigger next time. Maybe it'll change my mind.
"Um... Well, I would've been really upset... Probably would've blamed myself. Might have moved out of the city to get away from things that remind me of you."
"Like what?" I interrupted.
"The park where we had one of our first proper dates, the flower shoppe you always bought me roses at, the library where we'd go so you could look at weird books. You were always so cute when you got overly involved in a book." He paused. "What ever happened to that Marvin?"
I sat up a little, propping myself up with the hand that was resting on his chest. "What do you mean?"
"You used to love to do things like that, but now all you do is sit inside and feel sorry for yourself. You have no interest in things you used to love. What happened?"
I lay back down. "Depression happened."

Silence filled the room for what felt like the millionth time.
I was almost asleep when Whizzer spoke.
"What if we tried to do some of those things again tomorrow?"
"What? Go to the library, go to the park, and visit a flower shoppe? If you want flowers, just tell me, you don't have to put together this big scheme." I laughed.
He laughed softly as well. "Well, can we at least go to the park? It'd be beneficial for you to get some fresh air..."
I nodded, speaking through a yawn. "Sure,"