Seeking Smiles//Slow Updates

nine

I usher Maggie out the front door, speaking with a bagel held between my teeth. Bubbly as ever, she hops out the door and skips to the bus, but she doesn't board it yet, just stands by the open door, waiting for us to get on with her.

Her brown hair shimmers as she bounces up and down on the balls of her feet impatiently.

"Malaki, Cece!" I yell into the house, taking the bagel out of my mouth for a moment. "Let's go! The bus here! The driver won't wait forever!"

Cecelia swings her purple backpack over her right shoulder and nods her head at me with a small smile when she goes to accompany Maggie. Both of my sisters disappear and the bus driver gestures for Malaki and I to hurry up.

"Malaki, come on!" I shout once more, my hand on the doorknob and the other holding my bagel while I finish it off.

The bus' engine revs once, the bus driver becoming extremely impatient and worried that he'll be late to drop us off.

"Malaki, I swear. I'm going to come in there and drag you onto this bus." My hand is now food-free and tapping on my thigh. Everyone, including me is extremely hurried this morning.

I hold up my pointer finger at the bus driver, telling him to wait one more minute. He sees my gesture and shakes his head. The bus doors close and the bus starts moving.

"Wait!" I shout, but the driver can't hear me and probably wouldn't stop anyways if he could.

The bus rolls down the street, leaving me and my late brother behind.

"Shit." I say in frustration. Stomping back into the house, I throw my backpack onto the couch. I leave the front door open and throw the door to Malaki's room open. I'm ready to yell with anger, but I won't because I'm not like that. And it's a good thing I didn't greet him with a temper, because the first way I see him is with tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes.

The shirt he wears is faded from light red to a pinkish color, his jeans hang off his narrow hips, his black hair is messy in tangles and frizz. His feet are bare and red, his toes curling up under his feet. His hands hang down at his sides with his scarred arms open for me to see. I've never seen my brother wear a short-sleeved shirt since he was nine. Because that's when he finally understood and kids got ruthless.

I'm so shocked by his appearance that I can't speak. I can't ask what is going on or if he's okay. Well, clearly he isn't okay, but I mainly just can't ask what's happening.

"We missed the bus," Malaki speaks hoarsely and sniffles afterward. "Sorry."

The former fury I felt for my brother disappears. "Maggie and Cecelia got on." I tell him, clearing my throat before I talk. "It's fine. One day isn't enough to worry about."

"Sure." Malaki whispers, his eyes trailing off of my face and to the direction of his open door.

I notice in the back of his room, all the windows have either curtains drawn over them or various shelves covering all light that should be pooling into his room.

"Vitamin D helps." I say, looking back at his face. "If you were to just open the curtains—"

"I like the dark." He cuts me off. "Bright light hurts my eyes. And it's scary."

"Why is it scary?" I ask, blinking in disbelief. How can the sun scare someone?

"In the dark, I can look at everything. There isn't one thing that I am not able to see," Malaki explains willingly, something I'm not so used to. "In the bright lights, I can't see certain things because the intensity of it blocks out certain things. White objects or if you're trying to look into the dark. You can't see any of it. Plus if you look directly into the sun it can make you go blind over time. I don't want to go blind. And just the pain that comes with it. It hurts when you touch a hot lightbulb and even with the sun so far away, sometimes the heat can burn your skin; just from the light. And people can see me in the light. They know who I am and can see how I act and when I'm in the darkness, it is easier to hide."