War of Hormone

We On

It is Thursday afternoon Seokjin is sitting on his messy bed and for the seventh time this week he crumples up the small piece of paper Namjoon handed him on Monday. And for the seventh time this week he ends up not throwing it away, even though he really wants to. At least he convinced himself that he really wanted to when he took out the piece of paper from the pocket of his jeans. But now he is carefully unfolding it again, smoothing over the folds, making sure not to rip it. Then Seokjin carefully folds it in half and lets it slide back into the pocket of his jeans. He knows that tonight when he takes his pants off to change and takes the note out again, the same scenario will repeat. And then he'll end up placing it somewhere on his bedside table or whatever to stuff it in the pocket of whatever pants he will wear tomorrow. He knows because this is how it has been every damn evening since Namjoon gave him his number.

By now Seokjin has probably played every possible scenario out in his hand, going through all the opportunities of what to do that he still has left in this mess of a situation he got himself into. Just throwing away the number was his first impulse, but what good would it do? Throwing away that number won't change the fact that Namjoon knows his real name, his face, possible he could even figure out his address if he really wanted to. Throwing away a number won't change a thing about all that. So Seokjin kept that stupid piece of paper, although he wanted to burn it to a crisp the second he got it. The only option to really get away from it all would be to quit. Quit camming, quit university, quit everything he worked so hard for. Jin has a bit of money saved up, maybe it would be enough to last him until he finds a new place to stay, probably he should get himself a job too, maybe as a barista or whatever job other university students do on the side nowadays, apply to some normal university, try to live a normal life after everything that happened. But that is not really an option. First of all, because quitting now would mean losing everything Jin worked so hard for. He just has one more year to go until graduation, he got himself through university despite his parents practically disowning him. Seokjin is way too proud to give all of this up. Not now that he has already come so far with it. And even if he would quit there is no real getting away. As long as Namjoon is out there knowing about it all he could always bring up Jin's past. He could probably keep him from getting employed at a good company for the rest of his life. Seokjin can maybe get away for now, but he can't keep avoiding this forever. And he knows. He also considered contacting his comments moderator, ask him to block Namjoon from watching the shows and everything, but Jin can't block someone in real life. What else is there? Calling the police and telling them he is being blackmailed? Yeah, have fun telling the cops that you're a prostitute. Camming may not be illegal, but it certainly isn't regarded very highly. To some, Jin may be even lower than an actual prostitute. The hookers on the street at least choose who they jump into bed with, though most of them aren't really picky, while Jin exposes himself for the whole wide web to see.

No, there really isn't anything Jin can do to get rid of Namjoon now that he already got into this situation. Namjoon is right. They will have this conversation at some point, whether Jin tries to avoid it or not. So he would probably be better off just accepting and getting it over with. Seokjin knows that he should probably just text that damn number and tell Namjoon that he is okay with meeting up in that stupid coffee shop. He knows but he hasn't found the right words yet. So Seokjin just keeps taking that folded piece of paper out, stares at it, crumples it up only to unfold it again and put it back where it came from.

There has to be some way that Jin can turn this whole situation around. A way to use this mess to his advantage. Actually, now that he thinks about this, this might not be that bad after all. What Jin has right now is a rich brat that was already willing to send him money and expensive gifts before he knew that he would ever get a chance to meet him. Namjoon has been okay with being a sugar daddy despite not really getting any of the sugar before. Why would that have to change? Maybe Jin can make this work somehow. Maybe having a little chat with him every now and again and acting friendly will be enough to keep him satisfied. Still, Jin is convinced that this is no long-term solution, at some point Namjoon will want Jin to repay him. And maybe when that time comes Jin will do it. Maybe he can make this work.