War of Hormone

What am I to you?

"We need to talk." Is everything Seokjin says to Namjoon once the research colloquium ends. He spent the last ninety minutes sitting behind Namjoon and staring at his oddly coloured hair and thinking about what to say. And in the end, this pathetic and somewhat rude sounding invitation was all that he came up with. At least he got the time to think about it because they didn't have time to talk before the lecture started. Well, Seokjin came a little late on purpose so he would just slip into the room right before the lecture started to avoid having to talk to Namjoon. To be honest, Seokjin had even thought about just not going at all, just avoiding Namjoon for as long as possible, but he can't do that. First of all because unlike Namjoon he actually has to go to this lecture. Because Namjoon certainly isn't in the same course and semester as Seokjin. What does that boy even study? Did he mention it? Seokjin is not sure but somewhere in the back of his mind, he has saved law as Namjoon's major. Didn't he talk about becoming a lawyer or something? Well, it's not like it really matters right now. What matters is the second reason why Seokjin can't just not show up. Seokjin doesn't like the idea of hiding. Avoiding Namjoon would feel like letting him know, that he won, that he managed to scare Seokjin. And Seokjin isn't scared. Or at least he is so determined not to show it that he managed to fool himself. 

Namjoon hasn't replied yet, hasn't even bothered looking up from his papers that he is still gathering while the others slowly leave the room. A few turn their heads to look at the odd couple standing together and talking and their looks make Seokjin somewhat uncomfortable. Finally Namjoon looks up at him and just quietly nods while he shoves the remaining pencils into his bag.

"How about we go somewhere more private this time?", he suggest. Seokjin suspiciously raises an eyebrow. Having a private place to talk would indeed be helpful, but if this is Namjoon suggesting that they can have that talk on his bed he can forget it.

"Like where?"

"The library", Namjoon replies, either not noticing the suspicion that is obvious in Seokjin's voice or deciding to ignore it. "You know how they have these small study rooms where you can just sit around to learn or form study groups or work on projects? Around this time there shouldn't be too many people around, so we can probably get a small room for ourselves to talk."

Of course Seokjin knows about the study rooms, he has been at this university longer than Namjoon has and for a moment he feels like slapping him across the face with that fact. After all he is still the older one of the two. How come Namjoon even dares to talk to him like they are friends. They are a lot, but certainly not friends. But Seokjin swallows down his anger that is already welling up because of these irrational reasons and just nods.

"Sounds like a plan."

They are quiet on their way to the library. There is a bit of distance between them, to an outsider, it might even look like they are two strangers that just happen to walk in the same direction. And maybe they are. They are not going to the library together, each of them is going there on his own, the other person just happens to be at the right place at the right moment. Or maybe it's the opposite. Maybe their whole relationship so far is being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe if the circumstances of them meeting had been different, maybe then they could actually like each other. Maybe then they could actually give in to that weird tension between them without everything being complicated. Maybe then they could fall in love. Because if Namjoon would be any other guy Seokjin would have fallen for him right away. He would have spent hours dreaming about those dimples, getting lost in those intelligent eyes. If things were different he maybe would have given Namjoon a chance. But the circumstances are as they are and there is no changing that.

Namjoon is the one who goes to ask the librarien at the front desk if there are currently any study rooms open. She seems to be rather friendly to him. More friendly than she has ever been to Seokjin on the rare occasions where he came to borrow or return a book for an essay or something. Maybe Namjoon comes here often, she even seems to know his name, at least she greets him rather friendly and strikes up a small conversation. Probably it's because he likes reading. There were lots of books at his place after all. Seokjin can't remember much about Namjoon's place but he remembers the books. They were everywhere. After talking to the librarian for maybe a minute or two Namjoon returns to Seokjin and signals him to follow him. They still haven't spoken a single word since leaving the lecture hall and apparently neither of them wants to be the first to speak up again. Namjoon leads Seokjin to a small study room down a hallway. They can't lock the door but at least the room has a door that can be closed and usually other students don't just barge in when the door is closed. It's a small room, bookshelves on two walls and a window on the wall opposite of the door. There is a small table with three chairs around it below that window and a small collection of dictionaries and lexica in different languages are gathered in the bookshelves.