War of Hormone

House of Cards

Seokjin thought about covering up the hickeys that spread all over his whole neck and down to his collarbones for the show tonight. At university he managed to keep them hidden, it's beginning to get colder outside and no one really questioned it when he started wearing a scarf or a turtleneck sweater even inside the classroom. But tonight Seokjin can't hide the purple bruises behind an article clothing. Because tonight he is going to undress in front of a camera and his little secret will be out in the open. Of course, he could cover them with makeup or something if he really wanted to hide them, but the longer Seokjin looks at his reflection in the mirror the more he grows attached to the marks that Namjoon left on him.

He noticed them right after leaving the library. Back then he didn't think that what they had done in that study room might have left behind traces, not only in the room but also on their bodies. He had been too busy with the thoughts in his mind that kept circling around the same questions over and over again. Only when the librarian gave him a shocked look as he passed her he realised it. Seokjin had rushed into the nearest bathroom as fast as he could to observe his reflection. Back then the bruises had still been bright red and fresh, glowing against his skin. And he fell in love with them immediately.

Right now Seokjin is admiring them again. Despite the time that has passed already they barely faded at all. They still shine in bright red, purple and blue against the pale skin of his neck and collarbones. He wonders if he also left marks like those on Namjoon's body. Part of him would love to see him right now. Seokjin would love to trace the marks he left on Namjoon's skin with his fingertips carefully, his lips ready to replace the bruises with new ones as soon as they should even begin to fade just a little bit. But of course, Seokjin hasn't even dared to contact Namjoon since he left him in the library on Monday. He doesn't know if there are also purple marks on Namjoon's neck that Seokjin left behind with his lips and teeth. And oddly Namjoon hasn't contacted him either. Not even through a text message. Seokjin checks their chat every now and again hoping for Namjoon to message him first so he can break down and apologise for the way he behaved. But Namjoon doesn't text first so Seokjin keeps waiting. Waiting for something that might just never happen at all. Maybe he really managed to push Namjoon away for good this time. Maybe the bruises on his neck will just fade and never be replaced by new ones.

Something about that thought hurts Seokjin more than he would ever like to admit. Despite being the one who constantly pushed Namjoon away Seokjin can't stand the thought of losing him for good. How long has it even been since they met? Not even two weeks. This is all moving way too fast. It feels like everything is happening at once. Seokjin's whole world is crumbling around him and all he can do is watch. He has built a house of cards around himself and even though it could have resisted a storm so far it's now beginning to crumble from just a soft whisper. He has never felt so helpless before. He didn't even feel this helpless when his parents more or less kicked him out and disowned them. Because back then he himself had been the reason for his misery. Seokjin had always been aware of the risk that came with coming out to his parents. And he had decided to take the risk. And lost the gamble. He had put himself into a dilemma and he had decided to dig himself out again.

But this time is different. This time the source of his suffering comes from something that Seokjin has absolutely no control over. The reason for this whole mess just stumbled into Seokjin's life like that, with weirdly dyed hair and a dimpled smile that is cuter than anything else in this world. Well, that is not the whole truth. Namjoon might be the cause of the problem, but the actual problem is within Seokjin himself. His feelings are his problem. His feelings that he never quite figured out.

Seokjin knew that he liked boys from an early age on. And he always knew that he was pretty. And he soon found out that boys liked him because he was pretty. When Seokjin laid his eyes on another boy he rarely ever said no. And when another boy made his advances towards Seokjin, he rarely ever denied them. Hell, Kim Seokjin is the guy that got sixteen roses for Valentine's Day despite going to an all-boys school. He had always been admired by other boys. But they admired him because he was pretty. He was a distraction because they couldn't get together with an actual girl. And with eyes closed all lips are soft. Especially Seokjin's beautiful plump lips.