Repeat the Shatter

Chapter 5

(sorry for the short chapter. itll be longer next chapter :-))

There only ended up to be around six kids at this "talk about your feelings" thing. I was surprised considering in the movies there was always at least 15 kids that dressed like total physco paths. Everyone here didnt look the least bit crazy, and I didnt really feel like telling my story. Can you imagine the therapy I would have to go through?

"Hello everyone. Thanks for coming today,"  the lady sitting in a wheel chair spoke soft, and everyone looked paranoid.  There was an awkward silence for almost five minutes, until Nathan walked into the room. I shot him a "what-are-you-doing-here" look; Wasnt this place only for super crazy people? 

"Uh, sorry Im late. I got caught up eating my apple," Nathan said, slipping into the chair next to me. Everyone in the room giggled a little bit except for me; I was so confused. 

"Alright everyone. So, we're just going to talk about our reasons for ending up here in this nice, caring place. Its okay if youre not comfortable yet, but Ill take volunteers," The lady-speaker said. Her name tag said Ms.Welsh on it in bold, navy letters. 

Nathan cleared his throat. "Ill go first." He looked at me, and I think I kind of got the message. He pushed his chair closer to me, and whispered in my ear, "I dont seem crazy, right?" I turned around, and   began to question him and my theory.

"My name is Nathan, and Im an insane sketcher." Nathan said slowly, looking down while he said insane. Everyone held their breath as he said that, but I couldnt stop eyeing him. He looked gorgeous, and I felt bad for him.

Nathan began to speak again after he saw that the room started to become more calm. He started again, looking everyone in the eye.

I remember this night like it was just yesterday. My mom and I playfully splashed water on eachother; she always made me feel better. My mom had named my brother and I both the same name, which I didnt really understand. I guess she liked the name a lot. 

There was this one night in particular that held onto my memory forever, no matter how long I tried to throw it out. It was almost dark, and I waited for Nathan to come back from hanging out with his secret lover, Jade. They were great friends, and sometimes even acted like a couple, but Jade didnt have much interest in talking to me. She just waved to me every once in a while. I wanted a strong relationship like theirs, but I didnt try to get one. It wasnt really my thing.

I looked out the window and saw Jade and Nate sitting on the edge of the dock, tickling eachother and wrapping their arms around their necks. I smiled because Nate was always at his happiest with her; if he was happy, i was happy. Brothers stick together like that. 

I went to grab my sketch book from my drawer to draw the sunset and ocean, and saw something unusual. Jade was alone, and she seemed a bit panicky. I knew what was going on, but I kept my window shut and just stared. I looked down at the little bottle in my trash can, and tears swelled up in my eyes. 

I waited for his body to pop up and down from the water, just like I had imagined it would be like. I clenched my fists as I witnessed my brother slip away from me. 

What had I done?

I picked up the bottle from the trash, and observed it. I was drinking away my feelings the other night, and I felt angry for no reason at all. After poisoning Nate's coffee, I felt relieved and more calm. But now,   I hadnt realized that I caused something terrifying: I killed my only brother, and her best friend. 

My hands started shaking, and I experienced a rush which I had never felt before. I brought my hands to my neck, and squeezed. I caused a death, and I deserved to die, too. I clenched my hands against my throat harder and watched my room twist and spin, fading slowly. 

I realized what I was doing to myself; I was killing myself, I was killing away my brain and self. 'Im being selfish,' I thought. I released my hands, but the second I did, everything turned black, and I ended up waking up what seemed like only two minutes, but two years later. I fell into a coma, and I was one of the few survivors of suicide attempts. How unlucky. The minute the hospital released me, I ended up in here, trapped, never to go anywhere. 

"My name is Nathan, how is everyone today?" Nathan concluded, and everyone was breathless. Especially me.