Come Back To Me

Ch. 9

STILES POV

Moving back home was physically easy. I never kept more than the essentials so aside from clothes and important documents we didn't have much to take. Our furniture and everything else would be shipped to our newly rented apartment a week later. So until then we stayed with my folks. But like I was saying moving back home was physically easy, emotionally not to much. I got a ping in my chest at just thinking about going back home, and when we finally got there it was like I was always holding my breath, waiting for the next memory to come rolling in, and they always did. The memories of my parents hurt but the ones with Derek killed me the most. It was like a grenade going off in my chest. I would go from feeling angry, to sad, then to guilty.

Derek, however, was a mystery. He was always an enigma to me, one that only I could figure out, but this time I hadn't had a clue what was going on in his head. Charlotte and I had been back in Beacon Hills for three days and Derek was acting as if the past two years never happened. Like I never ran away from home and kept him from our child. He didn't act angry, or upset, or resentful he was just being Derek. He stayed away our first day back, but after that he would come over in the mornings and ask to sit with Lottie. At first he was too scared to get near her, like she was a delicate artifact that he could break by just looking at her, but he got use to that too. He and I hardly really spoke, and that was mainly on my end. Derek was supposed to be angry with me but was acting completely content, so I figured I'd keep myself from him. It helped that my parents were always around.

One night, however, my dad and pop had went out (vowing to spend more time together since my dad came back) and it was my first time alone with Derek since Washington. He stayed longer than usual so I made myself especially occupied. Then, while I was in the kitchen starting dinner, I could feel someone's eyes on me. I knew it was Derek but tried my hardest to ignore him anyways.

"I'd really like to be in her life" Derek said in a quiet voice.

I turned around sliding my sweating hands down the side of my jeans and whispered back "I'd like that too" and I meant it. Regardless of my stupid mistake of keeping Charlotte from him, Derek was still her father too.

"I'd also like to be apart of your life as well" he admitted shyly. I stared up at him for a long while. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve anything but here was the universe still handing me what I wanted. I knew how bad Derek was hurting when I left, no one had to tell me I could just feel it. So he should hate me, he should be too upset to even look at me but here he was asking for me back. Luckily the noise from the baby monitor echoed through the conversation pulling me back to life. I simply avoided his question and changed the subject.

"Lottie's waking up I better go. She can be a bit fussy"

"I wonder who she gets that from" Derek joked as I left the kitchen to walk up the stairs. I succeeded in avoiding the question for now but I chastised myself because all this meant was that I would have to answer it later.

DEREK POV

I could tell Stiles was feeling guilty, it rolled off of him every time I was around. Stiles and Charlotte moved out of his parents house and into a small condo not too far from me. He stayed true to his word letting me slowly integrate into Charlotte's life. He let me come around whenever I want even if he was busy( which I felt was part of the guilt) he even gave me a key to the condo to drop by as I pleased, which I was doing today. I'm not going to say I wasn't mad at Stiles, I was downright pissed. I even had to stay away for a day just to keep myself calm. But I could never bring myself to hate him for that, not just because I get why he did it but because Stiles was my mate. I knew it from the very beginning, and a small part of me felt that if I told him it would have been less likely for him to leave. I had to tell him now, he needed to know and maybe we could get back to a place we once were, maybe be the family we were meant to be. But it all depended on him.

I crept into the room where Stiles still slept. I laughed, a little surprised he was able to sleep seeing as though Charlotte was laying on his chest poking at his cheeks. I stayed on the ball of my feet approaching the two "I think you're Daddy is trying to sleep Charlotte" I cooed at her. She only gazed up at me making a "Blrrrp" sound. I lifted her up off of his chest and onto mine and she smiled latching on instantly. I couldn't help it and let out a laugh which seemed to do it and woke Stiles up.

"Charlotte!" he said in a worrisome voice.

"Whoa whoa she's right here" I said quickly. He was less tense seeing us stand there, and let out a calming sigh. "I uh didn't know you were coming"

"Yeah I had some free time. Thought we could order some dinner, and I don't know, talk" I heard his heart skip a beat at the word talk. Stiles wasn't stupid by all means and I never took that for granted he knew exactly what we would talk about. But it had to be done.

We watched tv for a long time. It was in silence for the most part, aside from Charlotte's squeals of joy. We only really talked when he asked what take-out I wanted, but even then it seemed a little impersonal.

Stiles sat Charlotte at her high chair with her food then retreated back into the kitchen, and this was my chance. I stalked into the kitchen behind him and let myself speak without thinking cause if I thought too much I'd convince myself not to do it.

I stood there behind him "I think it's time we talk" and for a while I let that hang in the air.

Are you with me or are you going? And if you're going how do I make you stay? This was the question the only thing going through my head, it was the only thing that really mattered in that moment. Stiles didn't know it because he spent so much time hating himself but I loved him I still love him. He thought he deserved to be alone when he really was meant to be with me, to be held by me, to loved by me. "It's no secret I still love you. A blind man can see that so I know you can, but you punishing yourself for doing what you thought was right at the time has made it very hard for me to tell if you feel the same"

"Derek-" Stiles choked out, and for the first time I noticed there were tears in his eyes.

"Stiles I know what you're going to say, and I don't know what you want to tell you. I could never hate my mate Stiles, but I could be pissed as hell with you, and I was. But I'm not anymore. I could yell at you tell you how destroyed I was when you left. How angry I was when I found you and found out about Charlotte. I could tell you all of that but in the end none of it would matter because I still love you, I still want you." Even before I said it, I was hesitant that he'd reject me, but I knew I had to say it anyways. And Stiles needed to hear it, too. He needed to understand why I still loved him, why I never stopped looking for him. Why even though I was angry, and for a long time, all the love I had for him outweighed everything else... always.

"Mate?" was all he said

Slowly inching towards him "Yeah mate"

"Derek that's all really sweet, but I-I just I don't deserve you and I think it's better if-"

"Shouldn't that be my decision?" I asked, finding myself to be only inches from his face. He didn't back away, or try to run he just stood there, staring back at me. So I did the only thing I could do and I kissed him. His lips were in a tight line and non responsive at first. So for a while I thought this was the dumbest idea ever. Then, like an old engine purring back to life he slowly cooperated. Kissing me back just as fervently, his lips tasted the same as they did two years ago, and I melted just the same. Suddenly everything was beginning to make sense again. Stiles' fingers in my hair and my hands on his waist made everything seem like it would fall back into place.

Stiles stopped us and pulled away separating our lips with a smack. He backed up shaking his head, and I knew he would start to overthink again.

"Hey hey" I said softly pulling him back over to me. I asked the question that would determine what would happen next " I know how I feel and I know what I want. So now it's up to you to decide. Will you be with me? Or not?"