You're My Only Direction

Chapter Twenty-One

            Play Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift at the Play Audio (link on the side as usual).

Harry’s POV

            I still hadn’t moved from my collapsed position in the hallway outside of Louis’ room. I pulled out my nearly dead mobile and checked the time. 3:49 am… I’ve been lying here for at least three hours. I haven’t been able to force myself to move, it’s hard enough to force myself to breathe let alone actual movement.

            I finally mustered the will to push myself up into a sitting position. Sighing, I rubbed my aching eyes which had dried out of tears over an hour ago. Ugh, what have I done?

            I pressed my ear to the door to listen for sounds of movement. After a few minutes of silence I decided that Louis had to be asleep. I gently nudged the door open and I peeked inside. All the lights were still on, but no sounds were coming from the room. I slowly urged myself to my feet and wandered into the room, searching for Louis.

            My first instinct was to check his bed; he would’ve most likely just been too lazy to turn off the lights. Drawing near the bed, I found it empty. Where could he be?

            I strode across the room and stopped dead in my tracks. There he was, lying there, completely asleep where he had dropped to his knees three hours ago. He hasn’t moved from that spot.

            Play Audio

His sleep was fitful, his eyebrows were furrowed and a large grimace covered his face. I glanced at his body and it was rigid, his hands were clenched into tight fists and his breathing was shallow and ragged.

            Oh, Louis, this isn’t how it was supposed to be.

            I stood there, unable to move, just watching him dream, his hands clenching and unclenching, tremors racking his body. Fresh tears pricked at my eyes as I watched him. Louis’ words from earlier rang in my head. ‘That thing…that monster in your head.’  He could see the monster, but what he didn’t see was that I am the monster.

            Finally you’re catching on.

            I couldn’t bring myself to respond; it felt wrong to respond to myself now that I finally accepted that truth.

            I bit my lip and turned my face away from Louis’ shaking form, clenching my eyes shut and trying to halt the tears that slipped from the corners of my eyes. I knelt down next to him and gently pushed away the hairs that had fallen in his face. At my touch his shaking stopped slightly, and when I drew my hand back in surprise it began again.

            Carefully I slid my arms underneath his trembling body and pulled him up into a cradled position in my arms. I clutched him tight to my chest and in his sleep he nuzzled his soft face into my neck. Ever so slowly I got to my feet. I quickly glanced at his face to make sure the movement hadn’t disturbed him, but he did not stir. I remained there for a few moments just watching the anguished lines on his face fade away as I held him close. The tremors had completely stopped and I sighed in relief at the fact.

            I slowly turned around and headed towards his bed. Tenderly, I settled his sleeping figure down onto the soft mattress. I brushed the hair from his closed eyes once more and released a slow, drawn out sigh. Louis’ lips twitched into a tiny smile in his slumber. My lips mimicked his motion at the sight.

            “No one can hurt you now,” I whispered, running my fingers down his arm until they finally rested, entwining themselves with his own.

            “Haz,” he sighed, rolling over in his sleep.

            I slowly untangled my hand from his and turned in the direction of the door. But a small moan stopped me. I spun around to see the tormented expression plastered back on Louis’ face. His hands were searching for me in the darkness and the shivers were once again racking his body. For a moment my heart stopped and I thought he was awake, but as I drew closer I saw that his eyes were still pressed shut.

            Sighing, I returned to his bedside and tucked him in, hoping that perhaps he was just cold. But the shaking didn’t stop. I took his hand back into my own but still the tremors continued.

            “Haz,” he groaned desperately.

            The fear in his voice terrified me, so cautiously; I slid into the bed next to him and cradled him to my chest. His shaking stopped almost instantly and a content sigh escaped his lips. His eyes fluttered open slightly and my heart stopped. But his eyes were glazed over and I could tell that he wasn’t completely, or even partially, lucid.

            I sighed, brushing the hair from his face one last time and planting a tender kiss on his forehead. “Just close your eyes,” I whispered as I gently pressed our foreheads together.

            Louis grinned at me in his barely awake state and followed my instructions. He laid his head back down on my chest, sighing and immediately light snores escaped from him. I smiled down at him as I watched the deep rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.

            Carefully, I disentangled myself from him and slid out of the bed. I fixed the covers over him and ran my fingers through his hair, which was finally staying out of his face. I leaned in and brushed my lips against his temple.

             “You’ll be alright,” I whispered, pressing my lips against his ear.

            And as I forced my feet to carry me toward the door and away from Louis, I glanced back at him. He was blissfully asleep and hadn’t noticed my absence. I knew that he wouldn’t be able to remember that I had ever been there tonight. You’ll be alright.

God I hope so…