You're My Only Direction

Chapter Twenty-Three

            Play: Untitled by Simple Plan right when you start reading. There will be a video with the song on the side as always. Guys I'm so sorry about this chapter for so many reasons. Don't hate me. 

            Louis’ POV

            I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but it was the only way to dull the pain. It had been a little over a month since Harry walked out that door and never came back. He hasn’t spoken to me or any of the other lads. Not that I would know; I’ve barely spoken to them since the day he left. I’ve hardly been able to look at them; too many painful memories…

            I don’t want to think about that day, but it’s all that’s ever on my mind. I don’t know where he is; I don’t know if he’s even still alive. Maybe it’s better this way, not knowing…I won’t have to watch the love of my life slowly be torn from me. Unless he’s already gone…

            No, stop. That’s something I refuse to think about. And whether he’s alive or not shouldn’t even matter to you, because he doesn’t want you; he’s not even yours to have torn from you. I can’t do this for much longer. Harry where did you go?

            “Gimme another!” I demanded as I slammed down my sixth empty beer bottle.

            “No, I think you’re good,” the bartender replied, looking me over.

            “No, I’ll tell you when I’m good, ya hear me? Now, gimme another!” I slurred.

            “Fine,” he sighed, placing another beer in front of me.

            I snatched it and took a long pull of it. I should be spending the precious remaining time with Harry, but I don’t even know where he is…

            “Gimme another!” I bellowed as I slammed down the seventh beer.

            “No, okay, no. This is where I cut you off, go home!” The bartender ordered.

            “Home? Home!? I can’t go home, ‘cuz my home up and left me, and I don’t know where it went…” I replied, slurring my words like crazy.

            The bartender raised a curious eyebrow at me.

            “Hey, you just put that eyebrow down right now!” I shouted, pointing at his eyebrow. “Now listen here yooou, I’m not craaazy… Ya know how they say your home is where the person you love is? Well the person I love left me and…I dunno where he went...”

            “I’m sorry…” he murmured.

            “Sswhatever man,” I shrugged as I stumbled towards the front door. I pushed it open and a freezing autumn breeze cut through my jacket and down to my bones. I shivered but stumbled out anyways.

            Harry, why did you have to get sick? Can’t you see what it’s done to me? I’ve got nothing left without you. If only you could see me now, what would you think of the pathetic bastard that your best mate has become? Has being away from me done the same thing to you? No, of course not. Why is it that you get to go off and escape your pain while I sit here drowning in mine?!?! How the fuck is that fair?

            No, I can’t think that, his escape is a horrible escape. Death…right now that doesn’t sound all that bad…but the way he’ll die. I can’t even think about it. Oh, Harry why did this have to happen like this? Why did you have to make me fall in love with you and then go and get sick on me? Why, Haz, why?!?

            Gaaaaaaaaaaah! There are just too many things in my head right now. Oh Hazza, I need you…I need the old you, the healthy you that could comfort me when I was down. But you left me alone and all I can do is think about you, but you never even loved me. How did I ever think that you could love me? I’m so thick sometimes… I can’t take this, just shut up.

            I stumbled down the road and discovered I was completely lost.

            “Damn it…WHERE THE HELL AM I?!?!?!” I screamed into the wind. I looked around desperately for something familiar that would get me to my hotel safely.

            I couldn’t locate anything that would help me find the hotel, but I did find something familiar, a billboard with a familiar face on it.

            Hazza… A mixture of longing and rage began to boil in my veins. I didn’t know whether to collapse in agony or rage. HAZZA…

            “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!” I shrieked at the billboard across the street. “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST BE HEALTHY AND COME BACK TO ME AND WE CAN BE HAPPY!!??!?!?”

            I was so busy shrieking at the billboard that I hadn’t realized I had wandered out into the middle of the street, and I most certainly didn’t notice the headlights coming straight for me.