The heart that you made numb

Chapter 5: Let's shut the world out.

I'm pretty sure it is clear how people dating act like they don't need anyone else. Let me break it down for you, that's not acting but that's what is actually happening. They need no one else at all, not to live of course. Everyone is important in our lives but shutting the world out is necessary. Most people have their beliefs that no relationship lasts, these are the main reason couples don't wanna listen to everyone. In reality the bitter people are those that don't have anyone. They go around spreading their twisted gospel on how if it never worked for them and rigid to the fact that this is the reality of the matter. Well, they would never succeed with Amanda and I.

We went back to school and everyone seemed angry at each other. Some were just fat, from eating a lot during the two month holiday so their faces seemed to be angry but they were not. This happened every time we opened school. No one wanted to believe that the precious holiday was over. The longest holiday of the year. People just said hi to each other and continued thinking of home, each thinking of a different thing. Some were busy thinking of the food, others of their beds, others missed their friends from other schools, others were happy to be at school or so it seemed. You wonder what I was thinking about? No you don't because you know. Of course! Amanda was in my head all the time. In high school you don't miss the kisses and how she put it down for you because that doesn't happen on a phone. You miss the texts and how she replied fast, how she said goodnight every single night or morning because we teenagers sleep past midnight. How I wish that I was already out of school, with a stable job, coming home to her every evening, making babies and living happily then dying on the same day. On our tomb stones they would write, "I'm sure Romeo and Juliet would be jealous of you two." That there is fantasizing, in school you needed it because it added some taste to our tasteless high school life. I smiled at my creativity.

"Hey men, you going crazy or something?" That was Tindo my man, he is always everywhere. I gave him a fist bump. I hate to say this but I sure was glad to see him.

"Just fantasies bro, just fantasies."

"Save the fantasies for the days when you will have nothing but just you, your empty pockets and a fail in Math." That was just the truth. It reaches a time in school where everything is going wrong. You try out for the music festivals, you fail. Exams come, you fail. Your pockets are failing you too. That's when you feel like quitting but whose house will you go to after quitting? Yeah, I thought so. You just have to hold on. That's where you start fantasizing about a better life away from school. Others may call it day dreaming. What's in the name though as long as you kill your misery.

"True, true. Theis holiday was too short though. I didn't finish doing what I had in mind." I never raised enough money to go and see Amanda, not even a cent.

"Listen to me, if this is not a house that you didn't finish or a business transaction then I don't wanna hear about it. Let us go park our stuff, you don't want to be late at the first assembly." Just like that he made me not tell him about Amanda and I, an endless story. Clever boy.

Days went by and we got a hold of the routine. The zombie routine, if you know what I'm saying. Doing the same thing all over each day. The only way to escape this was go for an outing. We could call them funkies. Everyone was trying out for everything, no one wanted to stay at school. I tried  for nothing but I had a charm, I was a charmer so I went for almost every function with a very stupid role. The best thing about this is that you did nothing when you were there. No one enjoyed  going through all those rehearsals or practice, no one is me.

My first outing was here. I was going for this catholic outing. God forgive me because we all know why I was going there. Hold up, don't judge me. You think this is about Amanda? It's not always about Amanda. Hehe, I'm kidding, it's always about her. This was going to be it. I'm finally going to see her again, now as a couple. I felt confident and scared at the same time. I had a little confidence in me wrapped up in a cocoon of fear. These first meetings mostly went wrong, I was definitely anxious. I'll do my best and if it goes wrong then so be it, I was not optimistic. This isn't a new phrase to anyone, expecting the worst, hoping for the best so that when it goes wrong we are like, "Well I am not even shocked, I knew it would go either way." We both know that no one expects the worst.