Look at you now
You said you'll think with your heart
You said you'll not have eyes for another
For love you'll go blind to the others
To close your ears to others
Cut off your hand but not touch another
Go insane but don't think of another
Cry for her rather than smiling for another
You promised to love unconditionally
Look at you now
You know at times I ask myself what am doing especially when in a relationship. I doubt myself and say that I am not capable to keep just one girl for me. I ask myself questions like, "What if am true and she ain't?" I then start imagining words that are forbidden in my dictionary like "cheating." The best thing about keeping such thoughts to myself is that I'm a very conscious person. When a mere thought of cheating comes my way, I really feel bad and start calling myself a bad person. After such an incident of self guilt I tend to find that my love for Amanda is grown to another level. On this day I did not downplay my thoughts, I approached Tindo to tell him about my worries. The end of term examinations were over so we were very idle.
"Whats up bro?" He closed his eyes, I knew he wanted to do a dramatic stunt. He began speaking just like the magicians in Harry Potter .
"Don't say it brother. I... I can see it. I can feel your thoughts. Is it about a girl or the great Tindo is mistaken?" Now either this good friend of mine was going crazy or to Hollywood. This was not the first time he was doing this, it was a habit.
I laughed so hard but he was still serious . "Shut up bro, you are no magician or whatever they call those mind readers. It's always about a girl, besides girls, failing math."
He placed his hand on his chest dramatically, "I'm really offended Leroy, how can you make such correct accusations against me? I swear I'm guilty of all those."
"Quit with the drama, has any teacher popped by?"
"You know I'm good at acting, why are you killing my vibe? No teacher has come though, I think they are still marking the papers." Immediately he said that, panic was written all over his face.
"Hey, what's wrong with you?"
He sat down with his face in his hands and let out a deep sigh, "I'm afraid of failing this exams man, I got a new pops at home. So he will beat me up badly when I fail. I miss my dad so much. If it was.. " He continued as tears came into his eyes. What a twist? I thought I was coming to be helped when the helper is the one who needed help.
"Hey, chill out man, you are my friend but I don't know how to deal with this soap opera stuff. So cool down." Yeah, I know, that's some good advice or so I think. We were raised to think as kids so deflection was the way to go. At the end of the day we could never really help each other.
He burst out in laughter. Now I'm confused and at the back of my mind, the salvation of this young man was at a mental health care. and Mathare was an understatement.
"Who is an actor now?" He asked amidst choking himself with laughter.
He was performing all this while, how could I not notice. I was wrong, he's really a great actor. I chuckled because I was relieved that the previous story was a lie. To be honest, I don't want having a friend with crazy issues. I'm not a bad person, no, it's just that when your friend is hurting it's more painful to you, because there is nothing you can do. He was not to know that I cared about him this much. That is how men treat their friendships. They don't talk about it, the actions show. Once you start talking about it then it becomes so weird.
"Go to Nollywood already, what are you doing in this public school?"
"Hater alert. Back to your girl issues. Amanda is stressing you already and you are not even married yet?"
YOU ARE READING
The heart that you made numb
Roman d'amourA story of a young boy who gets into a high school romance thinking it was just a game. He fell in love and things happened too fast for him to grip on to time. A few years later he doesn't believe in love anymore.
