The heart that you made numb

Chapter 3: Stupid love.

My confession

Your beauty: Sweet soup in a bowl
When cold, your smile is my shawl
Body: Shape of a coke
Your heart is my rock

Your presence is happiness to my life
You're my motivation, for you I strive
Like magic, you make me a humble ram
You're water, without you I'm a dry dam

They say I shouldn't fall into deep
I can't control it, it's out of my reach
Because in my heart, your love I keep
I threw up all my old ways in a ditch

Kiss me
Chain me in your arms
And never free me
Because you are all that I have

There was still something missing. I went through the poem a lot of times. There were parts I wasn't sure of. If I was sending this to her, it had to be perfect. It was one week dating. One week of just talking to one person, calling one person, thinking of one person. Damn! I am so loyal, I thought to myself. I read through the poem again. The soup part though was a little corny. Well, it all depends. There is expensive soup out there like the mushroom soup. If she gets offended I'll just explain it to her that that's what I'm talking about. The problem is that when anyone in Kenya hears the name soup, that one of the mutura  guy is what comes in mind. Damn it, I was overthinking again. I sent it, in the back of my mind I told myself that this is just a normal person.

One tick.

Two ticks.

Blue ticks.

Typing...

If this wasn't the right girl, who is? The way she replied so fast made me so happy. She surely could make a grown man cry (Who knew this would come to pass). Her message came in.

"This is so sweet babe. Why you do me like this? When I read your poems I just go away to another world. I swear I love your poems so much. Not more than I love you of course. But these are your poems, so if I love them more I'm  still loving you more." She was so excited and I was certain she was overthinking with all the stammers in her text. This helped me relax.

"Relax babe, I get you and believe me I got you."

"I just love you so much, I love us so much. How would I love you without me? I'm sure that would kill me."

"Me too, but we are alive. We ain't dying today because we got each other." This is all we talked about. How we loved each other and how we can never leave each other. We knew death was not an option. Naive or in the moment?

Hearts met and bumped into each other colliding to form something more beautiful than the solar system. What was this thing though? We said the L word a lot but did we mean it. For now, I knew what I felt but why did I keep my heart protected not wanting to admit that I was falling in love? The fear of placing all my faith in it was larger than my love, I had to notice that. I did not want to believe that she was the last girl I was going to date. I'm only sixteen. I felt like backing off a little but I couldn't help it. I just found myself texting her till past midnight then waking up to continue very early in the morning. I was not very sure but so is every kid who lacks guidance.

I hadn't touched any of my assignments. I still had a month and a half to do them, so I had no rush at all. My mum was coming home, what a joy. I told Amanda about it of course. I mean, I told her practically everything because the only time she and I didn't talk was when we were asleep. I'm not even sure if that's true, because in my dreams we also talked a lot. Just kidding, once you start dating someone they disappear from your dreams just like that. The only time you will dream about her again is when you break up. I'm sure all of you go through it. I never wanted to dream of her ever, I appreciated her existence in the real world.