Pride's True Love.

Trying To Move On

Escanor was unsure of what to do or how to approach her and ended up simply drinking by himself downstairs, wondering what he can say or do to make her feel somewhat better, though before she retired upstairs she seemed more normal. He felt like a monster to her and though she never feared him he wished that she sees him.. at all, like a friend or even more.. what did she wanted to experiment on him now? She measured the rate of his growth and his  decline in strength, the amount he heat he gives off and the rate that Rhitta absorbs it. As he sipped on the alcohol one of his 'friend' approached him after observing that he was alone for a while.

The female, who was actually the same height as Escanor walked up to him with her hands behind  her back, a warm welcoming smile plastered onto her face. She was rather easy on the eyes and actually pretty beautiful now that he think about it. Even though his eyes were set on Merlin, he can not deny the beauty of this woman before him; hell... pretty much any other woman was more than beautiful.. compared to Gowther... that thought alone would make anyone shudder.. I don't care what any one says... he's closet gay...
The gorgeous girl, with a well developed body and two large brown pigtails approached him with the sort of shy nervous air to her tone as she speak. "Um.. hey Escanor.. it's good to have you back. Not that I was eavesdropping or anything.. I sort of heard Merlin asking to meet you upstairs. How come you are still here?" Diane asked taking a seat next to him as she waited for an answer.

After a moment of silence Diane was sure that she was the wrong person to talk to him and that he wouldn't speak to her but that was broken shortly after when he finally found his words.
"I-I'm scared Diane... what will I say to her.. she loved King Arthur so much.. and I don't blame her.. he's strong.. and handsome.. he developed a relationship with her that I can never achieve no matter how much time I have or how much effort I put in.. I came here because Ban told me she would be here... and I figured I'd find a way to confess to her but after seeing how sad she still was.. I don't think I could.. tell her.. I'll keep to myself and go see what she needs... I am sorry Diane.." there was so much pain in his cracking voice. He finished the drink he had to try to  calm his nerves and walked away going towards the staircase to await whatever experiment he'd have to be tested on with.

He took a deep breath in and walked out the stairs, each step he took squeaked at how slow of a pace he was going up at.  At the top of the staircase he stood looking down the hall. There was four rooms, two on each side and all but the door furthest on the right side was closed. The door at the end of the hall was opened and filled part of the hall with a bit of yellow orangish light from what seems like a lamp.  He knocked on the doorframe and kept his eyesight down and looked away from her with a small smile. "May I come in Merlin?" He asked her softly but he wasn't really that shy around her.. his new tone was more filled with sadness from before.

Merlin looked up to him and nodded clearing her throat. She placed her feather back into the small container of ink and leaned back into the chair crossing her legs  and folded her arms under her perfectly rounded firm bosoms. "Yes come in and sit, I seemed to have my works on the decrease of your strength so I just needed to observe the drop again."

Escanor simply say Infront of her, his back straighten and kept his posture proper as his hands were placed onto his lap. He was rethinking whether or not he should say something or anything but he couldn't keep to himself after Merlin asked again.
"What is bothering you so much, what are you thinking about."
She asked looking at him waiting for an answer
After moments of thinking it over he finally found some courage and spoke.
"I am sorry... I-I'm sorry Merlin for what happened back then... when... Arthur... I knew how much he meant to you and I knew that you loved him I wish I could have done something to make you feel better.. I'm so sorry that I was too weak to protect him and bring him back safely to you because your happiness is all that matter to me... you are the only reason why I even came back here.. no matter what... I'd never leave your side.. because you make me ha-"
SMACK!
Escanor's cheek turned a painful red hot to the touch and sore. Merlin's hand had left quiet the welt into his skin. As a tear rolled down the side of the face he was slapped.
He stayed quiet and gripped the legs of his pants trying  to be as strong as he could in this moment.
"Shut up.... shut up Escanor! stop trying to pretend that it isn't bothering you too.. stop trying to be strong... you will never be like Arthur... he was my hope! Why can you never be angry at me.. why can't you just hate me! Or do you already do...I've never returned your feelings... so hate me... please don't lie."

Whether it was purely instinctual or he was finally letting his emotions out he shouted back at her. "No! You shut up! You're dead wrong! I don't hate you! I hate myself.... I've hated myself even more for the last two years... I hated that I didn't burst through the door and grabbed you when you were crying... I hate that I made you worry so much when I was injured, I hate that I never once had the courage to tell you how much you mean to me.. I HATE MYSELF FOR NOT TELLING YOU THAT I LOVE YOU!"
His last statement seem to silence the tavern as even everyone downstairs heard shocked and concerned at not only the statement but the tone in which he said it.
Merlin's eyes teared up as she sat silently listening to him. Escanor ran to the other side of the table Infront of him and took her in his arms. Her beautiful dainty hand gripped onto his shirt as she lets out and lets go of what she had built up inside holding on to the man who always cared about her no matter what for comfort and support. Never would she ever let herself be this way so why... out of everyone why Escanor... it was then he recited the poem he wrote for her which made her remembered hidden feelings she was afraid to show. Her eyes closed softly and gently as she tried breathing to calm down and felt so much comfort in his arms.

Shit fucking chapter.... I might edit this again...