My excerpt of stories (EN)

Small conversations.

I

"I loved you, so much. I loved you with the only good part of me, and now it's gone. You took it with you when you left, and I never found any good parts in myself after that.

-Maybe... Maybe I can give it back? Maybe there's a way you can be "good" again? With me?

-No, you can't give it back. Because now it's yours, and it won't ever be mine anymore. And I can't accept you back in my life again, I can't accept to be attached to you harder than I used to be. I'd rather live badly forever, then only live good when I'm with you. Because no matter how good you can make me, I will always be bad inside and I will always fuck everything up, that's just who I am. And I can't let you nor happiness destroy me anymore."

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II

"So, you're saying... You forgot me?

-I wish. I thought I had so many times, but at the end, I was always thinking about you. And everytime, I was wondering, since when did I restart thinking about you? And the answer was always the same: since I met you, I never stopped thinking about you."

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III

"Why do you hate me this much?

-Because it's so much easier to put all my hate on you rather than on myself."

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IV

"You know, I dated someone when I was in France.

-I know, i saw the pictures.

-The problem, when someone meant the world to you, is that you take so long to get over it. And then, you're so afraid of falling from this high again that it's never the same. I wanted to love him like he loved him, I wanted to love him better than I loved you, but I couldn't. Because every time we were together, I was seeing you instead of him. Every night, I was dreaming about you and them, you were in my head all the day that followed. I couldn't fell in love with him, because I couldn't recovery from you.

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V

"You told me so much. How can you pretend you don't want to be with me?

-It's not that I don't want to. I want to, but I can't. I've always listened to my head, the only exception was when I was with you, and I regret so much to have listened to my heart. I can't do this kind of things anymore."

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VI

"One of the first reason why I hated myself so much, she said slowly, is because it was all my fault. I never showed you who I really was, I just told you, but at some point you couldn't believe me because I was proving you the contrary of what I was saying about my personality. But when I finally showed who I really was, it was too late, the shit was already done. If you had known it, maybe you could have stopped me."

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VII

"You know sometimes, when I say or write your name, I get this feeling... like we were never real."

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VIII

"You meant the world to me. You were my everything, my space, my smile; every fucking thing. How can you possibly get over someone who was your whole world?"

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IX

I hated the way that some days, you weren't in my mind at all, people could say anything about you, I just didn't care anymore and I was thinking it was finally over. But other days, I couldn't stop thinking about you and I was feeling bad, I was feeling like maybe it would never be over. Maybe I would never really get over you.

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X

"I know it's strange, but when I was with you, I was wondering, How would I have reacted if you had died? And now... I think it would have hurt less than now."

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