My excerpt of stories (EN)

It's okay to think about him.

I often think about him. I can't stop myself, even though I'm the happiest girl in the world right now. I often wonder about the why and the how and the why and how. I often wonder about the reactions and the act I had and the things I did regarding of those things. I don't miss him at all because I know that if I was still with him, I would be unhappy and most of all, I would never have known the man I love now, and that would have been the biggest mistake of my life. But regardless of that, I often think about the way it went with him. I wonder if it was real. Was it all because of my depression or was there a part of reality behind us? Do I feel bad because I hurt him or because I used him or because I hurt myself or because I didn't understood it was all a lit? There are so many questions I could ask about this. But I know I knew deep down that he was just  a place to hide, because before he left me I dreamt about it like 3 times and it wasn't a coincidence. And when I was with him, I wrote poems about death and when I found myself drug I would almost jump form my roof, so he wasn't making me feel better. That's a lie too. He was just hiding the pain for the minute I was with him, but that was it. I wonder if I meant it when I said he was the love of my life because deep down I know I wasn't at first but maybe after a while I believed the lie. But it"s so different then with the one I love know. The one of now is so much better that I know I mean it when I say I want to be with him forever. Because with Armin, I kept thinking about other persons but with Othmane it's just him and no one else. It's just him.