And So I Ran - Complete

Chapter 32

Five words. With five words my entire world shuddered to a screeching halt. I could feel everything I knew stop and in its place was something new.

Ana. My Ana. Anastasia Steele - pregnant.

Fuck! A baby! A baby that would grow into a child! What did I know of being a parent? How could someone as fucked up as me be a father? Having a child had never crossed my mind. Not in any real sense. It wasn't something that was on the cards for me. Or so I'd thought. But here I was, hearing the woman I loved tell me my seed was blossoming within her.

I could feel Ana looking at me apprehensively, waiting for a response. But, just now, I was incapable of saying anything. Instead, I was wracking my brain, trying to work out how I felt about this development, other than absolutely shocked that is. I thought about supporting Ana through a pregnancy, then through labor and the birth. I tried to picture play dates and little league or ballet school, a move to a more family-friendly neighborhood like Bellevue, and maybe even a second child along the track a little. The stupid thing is, now I thought about these things, I liked what I was picturing.

I took a nervous breath.

"Well it's not something we've talked about, but that's good news, isn't it?"

"Is it?" Ana whispered, sounding far from convinced. "I'm twenty-two, we've been going out about fifteen minutes, and I've only just agreed to move in with you."

"Ana – I love you. I want to spend my life with you. I already know that. Sure, this has come along a little earlier than we might have planned, but that's ok..."

"I wanted to work. Make a name for myself in publishing. And travel. There are so many places I wanted to see before I settled down..." Ana's voice was almost pleading. Was she suggesting what I thought she was?!

"And all that can still happen! I can make whatever you want happen, baby. I own SIP – you can take as much time off as you want and return whenever you're ready. There will always be a job for you there if you want it. And I can work from anywhere. If you want to take a few months off to travel the world, we can do that. Every year if you want? I'm a billionaire Ana. The three of us can travel wherever you'd like. If we need extra help, we can get a nanny, and there's still Gail to take care of the cooking and cleaning."

"But are you ready for the realities of having a baby? Diapers and middle of the night wake-ups? This isn't like a puppy, Christian. You can't just hand it over to someone else if it doesn't work out!"

"Don't you think I know that? Me of all people?" I said quietly, trying to mask my dismay. "I know it's a lot to take on, but I love you, and I'll love our child. A perfect union of you and me; the start of our own little family together. I promise you, Ana, I understand what's involved, and I'm ready."

"I'm not sure I am," she whispered.

We lay there in silence holding each other, each too scared to say anything lest we say something that couldn't be unsaid. I wanted to rant and rave and demand Ana celebrate this news as the miracle it was, but I knew that would push her further away, and that was something I couldn't afford to do right now. So I fought my own nature to try and control the situation and put Ana's emotional wellbeing first.

"I guess we should start with a call to Dr. Greene?" I suggested cautiously, stroking Ana's back and kissing her forehead.

"I was going to call her Monday."

Fuck Monday. She'd be in her rooms and ready to see us tomorrow – I don't care how much I had to pay her.

Ana nuzzled closer. "I thought you'd be angry with me?"