What we want

Fighting the truth.

Today I went to work to go finalize some construction plans on my new place I had bought out . I didn't know whether I wanted to make it a salon or a boutique of some sort I wasn't sure yet but I know that I want it to be very popular. Once I figure what I really want to make it it'll come to me.
I met up with Khylie and Kyrie at In-N-Out and we sat and ate for a bit and talked about things that happened that day or before or things we wanted to do. And then as we were laughing and talking about stuff her face had suddenly changed it looked more serious looking than usual and I've never seen her look so upset Than she looked just now. I don't know if she noticed if I noticed how her face expression just changed but I knew I didn't want to pressure her into getting out what she was upset about I had to ease my way around and make her more comfortable because the vibe I just gotten from her face expression was more like something serious happens to her and she needed to tell me or she was just pregnant. Kidding. I hope not.
"Hey wassup Khylie?"
"What?" She looks anxiously at me with both her eyes looking at me a bit scared.
"What's wrong, your face and vibe just changed dramatically"
"Um, I- eh uh mm" she stutters a bit.
"You can tell me, even if it's the worst thing in the world" I say to relieve her a bit.
"Well that's the thing it is the worst thing in the world."
"What is it, or who is it? Hahahaha!" I laugh at her.
"It's both, but so not funny it's really serious to me?" She says with a pouty looking face.
"Well then out with it I'm sure it's not the end of the world"
"Well...Here it goes I guess?" She looks teary eyed.
"Mhmm I'm listening"I sit waiting for her to start talking again.
"Quincy got me pregnant!!" She yells. "Well the first time...I-I'm so sorry Amarah I didn't want it like this but he's the dead beat dad I tell everyone about"
"I-i...don't know what to say?" In shock at her sentence.
"We we're together at this one party and I was drunk and so was he and..you know?" "BUT I DONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM OR ANYTHING!?" She yells seeing my face.
"How...why'd I'm so confused and lost right now?"
"I know I know but I told him what happened and he got mad at me a-and then that's when he had got into that argument with you because he was mad at me?" Tears wells up on her eyes.
"It's fine. It's just why so long to tell me this ?"
"Quincy...he threatened me if I did but I can't keep this to myself and you guys got married and had Ace and it's messed up right now and I'm so so sorry I just-" I cut her off.
"I know it's fine really Khylie I can forgive you, but I won't forget this".
"That's fair...I'm glad you didn't walk out on me I don't know what I would do without you"
"Honestly I don't know what I'd do without you"
"I know your upset but I've been hoping to take you somewhere?" " like a girls kind of day" she tries to smile.
"No, I actually gotta go...I got a schedule to maintain for now to see how things work so I can find time to be with Ace when I go back to work full time"
"Oh, oh okay yeah of course I get it yeah great we'll see you , and I love you and Acey okay stay safe guys bye" she walks away with Kyrie in her left arm while carrying her purse in the other.
I gazed at Ace and wondered to myself. How couldn't I have seen my bestfriend in trouble and gotten me apart of it. I was blind by love, I wish I wasn't then and none of this would have happened. But then my Ace wouldn't have happened and I love my son with all my heart. He was still my husband and I have love for him but what he done to my bestfriend was extremely wrong and I wondered if he'd do it again while we were married. If he still loved me like the first time we met. I'd never know until I asked but I couldn't because I wouldn't want him to go after Khylie for ratting him out and then risking him coming after me.
I wanted to see if we still had spark in our relationship. I wanted to see this with my own realization of things if we truly loved each other because I thought I knew before I was in love with him, but I am. It's complicated. I know he loves things about me but not...Me. It's hard to believe I'm overthinking everything but I'm not it's just how I'm feeling.
My bestfriend has been hurting since the day he asked me to marry him. And I hadn't taken notice of it until she couldn't keep it to herself anymore. She couldn't pretend to be happy when she wasn't happy, we share everything if I'm not happy she's not happy. If she's upset I'm upset we both have that bond. By her keeping something that huge of course it hurried me but we both knew that were much stronger than that...not being friends over non communication. I'm upset that it hurt her and me at the same time. I'm sad that everything that led from that point on led us here, Sad and upset. Why couldn't I stay happy maybe I just need to figure My husband out that's the piece I'm missing that's not making me happy.
I got to figure him out, and if I don't I never will and it's all downhill from there.