What we want

Forget.

I just couldn't. I couldn't do it. I thought I could do it, but it's been really hard on me to not murder my Soon to be Ex Husband for the death of my child and all the hurt and pain he has put me through and I just dismissed it but not this, not the Death of my first born son. His first birthday didn't even come yet, and It was 5 months away I didn't even get to give him his first and Christmas was coming up and I couldn't share that with him.
I missed his scent and his cries when I bathed him. I missed his touch and little giggles he gave whenever I tickled his little feet. I missed him. I missed his little toys around the floors full of his drool. Oh how I miss whenever he made the most funniest faces when I would show him something new, it was like he was a toddler already.
Now all those memories are lingering in my head and I can't make anymore of memories but those. And it hurts a lot, at least Quincy could try to talk to me about this situation or trying to save our marriage but he hasn't done any of that. It's official our Marriage is officially over. I couldn't believe it but it had to be this way, he wanted his go-to-girls whenever he wanted and partying instead of working. Just thinking of him right now made me tingle and fill up with so much anger and pain.
I laid in bed half the day trying to mourn in peace where I loved the most...where Ace and I loved the most.
I thought things could get better for me and Quincy but he showed me a hell of a lot that things wouldn't so I had to take my leave, and get out of our marriage. Like why stay with someone who doesn't even care for you anymore and does whatever he wants whenever he feels like it without thinking of the consequences of his marriage.
I couldn't remember to forget him. The good and bad times, the tough and easy times, the fun and boring times. But that's over I have to forget him. I'm going to see my lawyer for my divorce papers to officially forget him but never my son. And just put us in the past and keep moving on in my life.
I called my lawyer up and we agreed upon when I was coming to pick up my divorce papers. Then she wanted to discuss the house plans and what I get back from the damage. Because for damn sure Quincy wasn't the only one who could afford to keep the house together. You might think just because he had a job that I wasn't doing mines I made sure I could afford to keep myself together because I knew eventually it would lead to this and I want as much part of this house especially with my son now apart of it.
When I got my portion of the houses insurance that we had on it I got all the things I bought and my safe that had some special things I've kept when I was in high school and college even including when I had first gotten pregnant with Ace. I cried a bit at all the old memories and notes and small cute things I've kept inside there from when I had first met Quincy, when we first had sex, when we went through our rough times and he'd leave apology notes or letters.
This brought back painful memories of Quincy for me and some great ones. Some things are better being forgotten. But I can't and won't ever forgive him for the hurt he's caused me.
I've moved on officially. And I won't come back.