Keys to Happiness

18. Aliah

The day KiBum told me about meeting his members, I had never seen him look more serious and it had shocked me that his members were in truth so important to him. I had of course known that the SHINee were close, but the genuine caring that they had for one another was touching to see first-hand. On top of that, what he'd said had struck a chord in me; I wasn't surprised that Korean idol stardom was much more fleeting and inconsistent than its American counterpart.

New rookie groups flooded the market each year, and without a solid fan base, idols could easily lose their fame or even a chance at it. Thinking like this, I suppose the strong bond that SHINee shared made more sense; to willingly go so far for another member and to possibly ruin their career as a group meant that just being groupmates had long-since formed into a deep friendship.

Comments from anti-fans about the group being in a business only relationship had been thrown out the window in my mind. If anything, this just made me more nervous to impress them; I could tell that the other SHINee members would always have a place in our relationship for as long as KiBum and I were together, and I didn't want to shy away from the prospect.

As we had continued to talk that day, I reached out to take KiBum's hand in mine. No matter what, I knew he would be there for me and I wanted him to feel that same comfort. If it was disappointing that I wouldn't see him as much as I wanted, I wouldn't let him know. It was time someone thought of KiBum first and I wanted to be the one to do it.

After those two great days we spent together, like he'd said SHINee did indeed do more than a few performances around Seoul. They came out on TV almost daily and then online just as many times and as I watched KiBum, I was intensely proud to know that he was mine. My boyfriend literally came alive onstage; I could feel his happiness and the pride that he took in his work shone through any exhaustion he might have felt at the overwhelming number of schedules they went through.

Communication between us was actually very good during this busy time, even though I hadn't expected it to be. We texted and called daily, using Skype when we wanted to see each other. Although we were in contact much more than we had been during his past promotions, I missed KiBum's actual presence. And as if he sensed this, he made time for us to do things together during the rare times he had no schedules.

Going to places around Seoul, like the movies or to specialty cafes were habits that we indulged in often because it was easy for KiBum to blend into the crowd. People usually stared at us more because I was with him, but he never made it obvious if he was uncomfortable. Instead he would do things to make me happy, making sure I was getting enough attention from him.

I had honestly thought that we would limit our affectionate contact when outside in the open, but KiBum would have none of it. As if he wasn't a well-known worldwide star, he held my hand as we walked down the street, his grip strong and sure. He was more than generous and never let me pay for anything when we went out and even though we'd argued about it, he wouldn't relent.

I had never been so spoiled by a man in my entire life and I was feeling mixed emotions. I was still new to the feelings that were between us, but I knew myself and understood that I was falling in love with him. KiBum had never hidden his feelings for me, and while I knew we were serious, were we "in love" serious? Was this just a honeymoon phase that would eventually disappear or would my heart always beat fast when I saw him standing in my doorway or his number flash on my phone screen? I was mostly content to know that for now I had KiBum, but I wondered what this was between us and if it could last.

Even though KiBum and I were together, I hadn't really imagined what meeting his group members would be like; I found myself worrying over everything and nothing. While being with KiBum had been as easy as breathing, this was something completely different. Being a SHINee fan put me in an awkward position; I didn't want them to see that fangirl side of me, I wanted to be cool and chic, worthy of being with Key. On the day that I was going meeting them, I was strictly going to be KiBum's girlfriend.

My week before the meetup had been filled with more school work than I thought possible for teaching high school kids, but since the first round of exams were coming up, by Friday I found myself falling into bed completely exhausted. Saturday afternoon's meeting with SHINee had snuck up on me, but regardless I was ready.

I had thought it might be bad manners to show up empty-handed to the SHINee dorm; in many ways I felt more nervous meeting them than if I had been meeting KiBum's actual parents. In fact, KiBum talked about his members more than he had ever mentioned his parents and I couldn't help but wonder that in a way his members may be more important. Regardless of that fact, I knew that getting along with his members was something that KiBum sincerely wanted, so I wanted to do my best.

I had asked KiBum whether or not I should buy the customary fruit basket or something else food related, but he had turned the idea down. Instead he had told me that the dorm was always in desperate need of toilet paper; apparently TaeMin and JongHyun had sensitive stomachs and often used the bathroom for extended periods of time. I was of course concerned that my idols were having such delicate issues, so I had splurged on a large pack of the stuff that was almost too big for me to carry. I placed it by the front door and during one of our phone calls, told KiBum about my purchase. For some reason he laughed long and hard, but he wouldn't tell me why.

All week I had stressed over what to wear, and this lead to HyoWon and I visiting numerous shops before KiBum had told me to just dress normally. I took his advice to heart, very pleased that he liked my sense of fashion. I wanted to look cool but also relaxed, so I went with dark blue skinny jeans, a form-fitting pink t-shirt and a black, grey and pink patterned cardigan that almost reached my knees. I was both casual and comfortable which I hoped would keep me calm for the actual meeting.

I had done my usual twist out, but I had used a curling iron on the ends, making big waves that fell around my shoulders. I pushed the side with less hair back behind my ear and secured it with white bobby pins. I wore the nicest pair of glasses I owned, black and gold ones made by D&G that framed my face well.

KiBum had come over a little before eleven in the morning to pick me up to take me to the dorms; we had already planned to spend our afternoon and most of our evening there. When he walked in, I could tell he had taken advantage of the cooling temperatures and was wearing a green flannel shirt with a white tee shirt underneath, the sleeves rolled midway up his arms. The green and white of the shirt went well with the black pants and black combat boots he wore.

He looked like a hot grunge guy from the 90s and I shook my head at his attempt to wear something somber, surprised he even had something like that in his closet. As we left KiBum walked ahead carrying the large pack of tissue and I could see the underside of his boots; they were bright pink. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing out loud. Nothing stopped KiBum, not even the nervousness of introducing me to all of his members.

For two solid lunch periods that week, I had googled everything and anything I could think of about meeting a significant other's friends. Men in particular were much easier than women to get along with, but I was still anxious. These weren't just any friends; this was SHINee. Before meeting KiBum in person, I had been a pretty steadfast fan, and definitely believed his group to be one of the best Korean male groups in the industry. The thought of finally meeting them in person had my stomach in knots. Would they like me? Would they think I was good fit for KiBum? And if they didn't, would I be able to change their minds?

The ride to the dorm was mostly done in silence, with one of us asking a question of the other just to break the tension we were both feeling. I fiddled with the bracelet on my wrist, twisting the little key back and forth to try and stave off the worst of the feelings. I took a deep breath and just said what I was thinking out loud, tired of the tension.

"Well, even if they don't like me, I'm going to keep dating you anyway, Kim KiBum, and you're just going to have to tell them to get over it!" I ended my speech with a small humph of determination and stared straight ahead. KiBum let out a loud laugh and soon we were both giggling over the situation. Even though Key was closer to his members than even his parents, they weren't a firing squad. We would face them together; surely it couldn't be that bad.