away // brallie

thirteen

brandon's perspective

I woke up the next morning with a sleeping Callie curled up next to me on my hospital bed. It was quite crammed, and my neck ached from a horrible sleeping position. I rubbed it gently, propping myself up without trying to wake Callie. She wiggled a little, but her eyelids remained shut, protecting her brown irises. The clock on the wall read 7:41 AM, which meant Callie was going to be late to school. Just then, her eyelids fluttered open and suddenly, her face became worried and startled.

She sat up abruptly, "I have to go. I was supposed to go get Jude from the grocery store last night but then I ended up falling asleep here, oh God, I'm so busted. I'm sorry, I, uh, I have to go." She said, popping right out of bed and darting out of the room. She ran out of sight quickly, and left me there alone, to sit and ponder my thoughts.

Everything just came crashing over me at once; fear, anger and confusion. It all ended in a wave of tears and sobs, containing my body and my mind all at once. I hated it here, it made me feel insane and loopy, like at any moment death could come and take me away. As sobs wracked through my body, I wanted to yell, get me out of here. Sure I was throwing up everything I took down but I just wanted the comfort of home, the comfort of family, hell, the comfort of Callie. It seemed like the only cure to this horrible pain.

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Days later, after my guts were all thrown up, I was finally able to return home. Everything seemed the same, although the personalities and makeup of the people around me seemed different. The house was the same, the contents were not. Mom seemed slimmer, like she wasn't eating as much, Mama seemed angrier, Jesus seemed lost as did Jude, and Callie, she was the most different of all. She didn't come back after the one day she visited me. I suppose it was because she had got caught, and that resulted in consequences. Her complexion seemed whiter, her eyes had lost the life they once carried, and her smile was nowhere to be found. I worried for her, because the Callie I fell in love with was gone, and it dragged me down. It felt like my family was crumbling to pieces, and no amount of glue was going to be able to fix it.

I was happy school finally let out, though, and summer could commence. But, with such sad people moping around, I just couldn't seem to find happiness in the sun's rays or the daily beach trips.

"Everyone ready for the beach?" Mom called out early on a Saturday morning. No life in the words, simply like they were being read from a script by a bad actor. I rolled over in my bed to check the time, and it was 9:23AM. I threw my bathing suit on, which was conveniently on my dresser already, and a tank top. Under my clothes was a piece of paper, labeled with my name. The house was suddenly quiet, and everyone emerged from there rooms holding a piece of paper with their name on it, but a member of the crumbling family was missing.

She had written these letters, for sure. Everyone else's letter had two simple words on it, "I'm sorry." But, mine had lots of words on it.

Callie wrote:

I'm sorry Brandon, but I loved you too much to stay any longer. They found out I visited you that one night, and that's why I never came back. Jude didn't spill, he said I was at a friend's house for the night but when I didn't come back in the morning, they knew he was lying. Lena was yelling at me so much, I was in tears. Stef pulled me aside and informed me that she had bipolar disorder, and they didn't want to tell anyone else because it would be too much for them. It makes the sudden outbursts of anger make more sense, right? Anyways, she told me I was not allowed to look at you are speak to you or interact with you at all this summer, and it all came crashing down on me as I realized that I could never rub your back to calm you down, remind you to take your meds, or breath with you. I couldn't be there for you when no one else understood what was going on. I couldn't be your rock. Lena wasn't going to allow me to be. She said she could handle you fine, and it scared me Brandon, it scared me so much. She was so angry and she'll never be able to support you the way I did, because she'll get mad at you and that doesn't mix well with mental disorders, Brandon. Then, the day before you were going to be able to come home, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to face you without bursting into tears or somehow getting us into more trouble. I wanted to keep you safe from me and all the baggage I bring with me. But Brandon, as much as you needed me, I needed you too. I love you so much, Brandon. I fell in love with you like I had never been in love before. Hell, I didn't know what love was before I met you. Everything you did for me, and you probably didn't even know it. Being able to be there for you was enough for me, and that just made me feel so wanted and needed by someone, like I was finally not property, being thrown from person to person. You cared about me more than anyone in that house did, and I'm going to miss the hell out of you. I'll be going to college at UCSF to pursue a career in the arts, so you can come visit me if you want. I'll be staying in dorm number 198, if you need to know. I hope that you get into the college of your dreams Brandon. Julliard is calling for you, and I'll be happy to fly out to see you some time over break, if you get in. You'll have to let me know. I still have my phone and my number, you can call me or text me. I'm staying at Robert's house until the school year starts, but don't let anyone else know. I want to be left alone by them just for a little bit. Brandon, you can come visit me any time. Hearing your voice would be amazing, or seeing your face. I need to know if you get this, too. Anyways, my hand is cramping. I love you, B. I'm sorry I had to go away.

I couldn't contain the sobs that wracked my body, and the tears that dripped from my cheeks. Everyone tried to reach for the letter, but I yelled, "Get your hands off my letter. She doesn't want you all to see it." I tried to keep it from being tear-stained, but droplets fell to the paper, smudging her writing just the slightest. I brought the paper to my lips, planting a kiss on it. I stormed back into my room, slammed the door, and placed the letter on my bedside table. I ripped my phone out and called Callie.

"Callie?"

"Brandon, oh Brandon..."

"Callie, I got your letter."

"Nobody else saw it?"

"Nobody else."

"I'm headed to campus soon, so I can get set up in my dorm room. I don't know if they'll let you see me anyways."

"Probably not. But hearing you speak to me again is enough."

"Taken your meds this morning?"

"I will now."

I popped open the bottle, and dry-swallowed my pills.

"Good job Brandon."

"I love you, Callie. Your letter, it means a lot to me."

"I love you too, and it took me a while to write."

Her laughter filled the empty noise, and my heart was warmed once more.

"I'll be sure to see you when you get to school. I'm also expecting a letter back any day now."

"You're in for sure."

"Don't get your hopes up too high."

"Too late."

"Mom's are banging on the door, I should go. I'll call you again later."

"I love you B."

"I love you too, Cal."

The phone buzzing in my ear told me her voice was gone, and she had moved on to other things besides talking to me, but I knew that she was always with me, no matter how far apart we were.

She would never be away.