Unrequited

Secret Love - 1987

As the new year got underway, John left to start rehearsals, meetings, and promotions for the upcoming World Tour. He had managed to keep Arianna's pregnancy secret so far, as he couldn't face telling Renee. And as it turned out, he never had to tell her.

John was only gone a couple of days when Arianna was rushed to the ER from work because she was bleeding heavily. She had suffered a miscarriage, the baby issue being removed from their lives forever. When Arianna told John a few days later, he was secretly relieved. He had never wanted a baby before he was married, and he certainly wasn't ready to be a father. Even if Arianna was to be the mother. But Arianna was inconsolable. Nothing John said or did made her feel any better. She was simply devastated and would need time to heal both mentally and physically.

Arianna harbored a lot of resentment towards John over the pregnancy. She suspected that he had been unhappy with her pregnancy, and he had secretly wished that she would lose the baby. In fact, she stopped letting him come over to see her so she could mourn their - no her - loss. It was something that she would take a long time to forgive him for, even secretly holding it against him when they resumed their affair in late February.

March 13th, John stood in Arianna's apartment while she cried. He was flying to LA in a couple of hours, and the next day, he would fly to Tokyo, Japan, for the start of the Strange Behavior World Tour. He would be gone almost six months, and Arianna dreaded him leaving. She knew she would barely see him during the tour because he would be so busy. Plus, the itinerary took the band all over the place. The logistics of her getting to him would be daunting.

"Don't be so sad, Arianna," he whispered as he held her.

She was sobbing into his chest, and he could feel her tears soaking into his shirt. He loved to feel her warmth and smell her scent when she was that close. At least he'd be able to smell her all the way to LA on his clothes.

"I'm just going to miss you so much," she whimpered. "I love you, John."

"And I love you too, sweetheart. But I really need to go. I need to catch my flight," he told her, but instead of letting him go, she squeezed him tighter.

It had been two months since the miscarriage, but her emotions were still running wild as if it had just happened yesterday. Would she ever get over it?

"Don't cry anymore, love. You know I can't stand to see you cry. Besides, you'll be out to see me, right?" he asked as he pulled away from her, holding her at arm's length as he looked into her eyes. She wiped at her tears and solemnly nodded.

"You have the itinerary. I will try to call you sometimes. And you can visit. It won't be that bad," he tried to convince her, but she burst into tears again.

So, he folded her into his arms and hugged her tight. He consoled and quieted her, finally pulling away just enough to kiss her. She reacted immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him harder. They kissed for a few moments, and then John broke the embrace, looking into her eyes. She sheepishly smiled up at him.

"I'll miss you too. But I seriously need to go," he said, looking at his watch.

As he started for the door, Arianna followed, her hands on his back, as if she just needed to have that physical connection with him. He opened the door and stepped into the hall, turning again to look at her, and was struck by her innocent beauty. Even troubled, she was so damn beautiful. At that moment, he was sure he would one day make her his wife. He just had to; she was perfect.

"Oh wait!" she suddenly said, darting back into her apartment.

He could hear her run across her living room and then return to the door. As she appeared again, she was handing him something.