Unrequited

Ticking Bomb - March 1998

Arianna was sitting in her home office working when she heard John talking on the phone. She glanced at her watch and was surprised to see it was after 11 pm. Who could he be talking to? She got up and followed the sound of his voice.

The rest of the house was dark, but she could still make her way around by the moonlight coming in the windows. His voice led her into the kitchen, and she found him sitting at the kitchen table. The room was pitch black except for the small glow from the lit end of a cigarette. She watched as it rose and then glowed brighter as he took a drag on it. The conversation couldn't be a good one if he were smoking.

"What are you saying, Dad?... That quickly?... There's nothing more they can do?... 6 to 9 months... umm hmm... umm hmm." Arianna could tell by the nasal quality that had arisen in John's voice that he was fighting tears. "Yeah, okay... Can I talk to Mum, please?" he asked and then sniffled.

Arianna wanted to go to him, hold him, and shield him from the devastation coming at him like a runaway train. Just by that small snippet of his side of the conversation, she knew that Jean was dying and that it was only a matter of time before she would pass. 6 to 9 months. It would be before the end of the year.

His Mum was so important to him, and Arianna knew her death would rock his world. No, their world. Jean had always been like a mother to her, especially after Nana Maggie had died. She was going to have to go through that loss all over again. At least this time, she and John would have each other.

As she heard him start the conversation with his Mum, she quietly stepped to the refrigerator. She got out a bottle of water, carried it to the table, and set it in front of him. Then she stepped behind his chair and began to gently massage his shoulders, letting him know that she was there for him.

"I know, Mum... I love you too...," he said, his voice cracking. "Ummm... we can come over soon... sure Mum... I'll ring to let you know when... okay... I love you too... bye."

Arianna could tell he had pushed the end call button on the cordless phone by its telltale beep. His head slid down to rest on his arms on the table. She felt him crying before she heard him, his shoulders shaking in anguish. Her heart broke for him. She draped herself along his back, wrapping her arms around him in an effort to console him. He cried and cried while Arianna just held him, trying to let him know that it would be okay.

When his tears finally stopped, he sat up and pulled Arianna onto his lap. He hugged her tightly, glad she was there. As he relayed to her everything that his Mum and Dad had told him, she just listened quietly, letting him pour out all of his feelings. It made him grateful to have her in his life. She was his rock, and he would need to lean on her.

A few weeks later, John, Arianna, and the kids flew to Birmingham to see his Mum. They quickly realized Jean's struggles in just getting around the house. She was so weak, and she spent a good bit of her day in bed, resting. Arianna let John spend a lot of alone time with his Mum. She knew he had a lot of feelings to deal with before Jean was gone from their lives.

One afternoon, Arianna had just gotten the kids down to an afternoon nap, and as she was leaving the spare room, she heard the sounds of a guitar and John singing. She slipped down the hall towards his parents' bedroom and peeked in. John was sitting by the side of the bed, singing a song she had never heard before. The words were tender and loving about his childhood and his Mum. She stood there listening, tears filling her eyes at the beautiful words. When he finished the song, she saw that Jean was also crying. John leaned over and gently kissed Jean's cheek.

"That was so beautiful, John. Thank you," Jean said, and he somberly nodded. "Please write those words down for me. So I can look at them when you're not here," she added, and he nodded again, taking her hand in his and kissing the back of it.