Unrequited

Reminisce - July, 1999

John rolled over, his hand sliding across Arianna's side of the bed, to find she was gone. With a sharp gasp, he sat up and turned the other way to look toward the bathroom. It was dark in there, so where was she? He squinted to see the clock, and the blurry numbers said one something or other. He grabbed his glasses from the nightstand, the digital clock coming into focus as he slipped them on, and the clock showed him it was 1:37 a.m. He then threw back the covers and got up, heading out of their room and towards the living room. It was dark in there as well, and he quickly found that the whole house was dark and quiet. He looked at the table near the door and saw her purse and keys were there, so she hadn't left the house. She had to be there somewhere.

"Arianna?" he whispered, but no response came back to him.

As he stalked about the house, checking every room and corner with no success, he began to get worried. She had been spending far too much time lately thinking about their past, and it had been making her terribly sad. It was almost like marrying him had opened up some vast time capsule in her mind, and she was slowly sifting through its contents. Of course, not all of the memories were horrible, like their fourteen month affair in '86 and '87, but a lot of it was too horrible to think about. And because she shared everything with him, he had to relive many of his worst moments and behavior because he had given them to her. He wasn't proud of his past, but at least he had managed to keep Arianna in his life - more or less - through most of it. But he also knew there had been a cost to that, and it was the way that all of his horrible behaviors had affected her.

He had searched the entire house and still had not found her, so he was becoming extremely worried. She was six months pregnant, due in ten weeks, and not in any condition to be off by herself at that hour in LA. Then he remembered that she had been spending a lot of time in the back garden by the pool, so maybe she was there. He went straight to the sliding glass doors, and as he looked outside, he saw that the pool lights were on. Then he saw the silhouette sitting by the water's edge and knew it was Arianna. He opened the door and started across the grass towards her, feeling the cool dampness on his bare feet.

"Arianna," he said as he reached the concrete of the patio around the pool and walked towards her. She turned to look at him - he was grateful when he saw a smile, not tears - and then she patted the spot next to her. She had her feet in the water, contentedly moving them slowly about.

"You scared me," he told her, relief in his voice.

He started to roll up the legs of his pajama bottoms so he could put his feet in the pool. He quickly realized that would be more of a problem than it was worth and simply took them off, which earned him a wolf whistle from Arianna. He chuckled as he sat down next to her, his feet plopping into the water as he put his arm around her shoulders. She settled against him as he pulled her close, and he couldn't help but smile. He liked the moments when they were alone and content together.

"I didn't mean to worry you. The little one is very active, so I couldn't sleep," she told him, her one hand rubbing the baby belly in front of her.

John reached over and put his hand on her belly, gently rubbing it. Her being pregnant with his baby was the best news he had heard in a very long time. He had been hoping it would happen almost from the moment they had reunited, so maybe he had simply willed it into reality. Now, no matter what happened, they would always be connected through that child. Not that he thought they would separate again, but sometimes their past loomed so big in their lives that it threatened everything they were trying to rebuild. But after all that they had shared, could they honestly ever forget one another?

They sat silently together, Arianna resting her head on John's shoulder as she felt the life inside her seemingly doing somersaults. Her mind began to wander, and as usual of late, it wandered into their past. At least this time, it seemed to be picking a happy time. She giggled lightly, and John sat up straighter, looking at her strangely.

"What are you thinking?" he prodded, so she looked up at him smiling.

"Just about you," she answered vaguely, and he shook his head with a sigh.

He hoped it wouldn't spark tears or an argument like it had been doing so often recently. She giggled again, and he thought I can handle laughter. It's better than her crying. The laughter he could definitely deal with. She laughed again and sat up, turning a little towards him.

"Do you remember the time in Puerto Rico in '87?" she asked, and a smile spread on his face with the memory.

"Carnivale," he mused.

"Umm-hmm. That was so much fun," she told him.

"I remember you in that bikini and sarong, dancing in the street with the performers," he told her as she settled her head back onto his shoulder. "What a sight you were. So damn sexy."

"And it wasn't too long after that, the night in New York happened," she said, her face clouding with the memory. "I can still see Renee's face," she confessed, and John sighed.

He knew the dark would have to crowd into the happy times. It so often did lately.

"So can I. But that is so long ago, Arianna..." he said, letting the words trail off, hoping she would turn around and not go entirely down the path of sadness.

"I know," was all she said, sighing loudly.

Silence fell between them again, John worrying that she would start crying at any moment. He wished he could wipe all of the bad memories out of her mind. Or better, that he could go back in time and prevent his asshole younger self from doing all those terrible things to Arianna. Maybe then she wouldn't get so melancholy. But he couldn't, so he just sat there quietly, his arm still around her, content with the fact that they were forging new, happy memories. The fact that he had the chance to fix things meant the world to him.

"Let's go to bed," Arianna said suddenly, sitting up and stretching her body as she yawned.

She put her hand on his shoulder and used him to steady herself as she pulled her legs out of the pool and stood. She smiled as she offered him her hand and helped him out of the pool. As he stood up, she continued to smile at him, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him tight as she snuggled against his chest. He could definitely deal with the good mood that she was in. She leaned back and looked up at him, still smiling as she stood up on her tiptoes and gently kissed him.

"Love you," she whispered.

"Oh, I love you too, Arianna," he replied, kissing her again, a little more forcefully. After a few moments of kissing, she pulled away and offered him her hand again.

"Come on. Let's finish that in bed," she said seductively and pulled him off towards the house.