I'm Insane

to better help you understand how im feeling

i walk into the restroom, looking at myself in the mirror. Ew, look at the acne. Look how fat you are. Look how ugly, how disgusting. I held my head in my hands and slowly sobbed. No matter how hard i try, i will never be perfect, ever. 

even my mother called me a fat pig yesterday. 

i peered through my ring finger at my reflection yet again. Time to start another agonising, wasteful day. 

Stepping onto the bus, I'm getting the usual glares from the so-called "popular girls", and one yells out, "Oh, yay, the girl no-one cares about!" Her paparatzi snicker behind her as i sit down and pull out a book, and of course the bus driver takes no action. A kid behind me pulled my hair. I didn't bother to turn around and glare at him. He laughed, "Too scared to face me?" 

I slumped farther back into the stiff bus seat. My one and only friend would be waiting for me at the school. All of my other 4 friends had left me once i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I scoffed, knowing they were never true friends and they were just going to leave me in the end anyways, just like everyone else had.

Of course more suicidal thoughts crept into my mind, just like they did every day. Every waking moment, I felt I had no point. 

And yet, I still fake-smile and tell Misty (My one friend) and my family im doing great and  my pills are working. but i'm wearing a mask. and they never notice.

i tell my phycyatrist im perfectly okay. 

but im still cutting and wanting to die.

but

they

never

notice

.

.

.