Strange Attraction (editing/rewriting)

XIII

Waking up with a headache was the last thing I planned for, but what I regretted the most was drinking so much knowing I wasn't supposed to while breastfeeding. I didn't hear anyone in the house so I assumed I was home alone. I did my normal daily routine and journeyed to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Even thinking about food made me nauseous.

I ran into Finn leaving the bathroom and he struck up a conversation with me. He apologized for his actions last night even though I hardly cared about them anymore. He also mentioned starting fresh in a new house and taking the nanny with us. It wasn't definite but it seemed like he was serious and didn't want to take any big steps until I agreed with him. I also reminded him about the problems with the guest house and getting them fixed asap and finn replied with saying he'd get it done within the week.

When I first designed the guest house, his parent hadn't laid out a full plan for how they wanted it decorated so they left the inside as a shell with paint and no furniture. When finn and I moved in, we left it as is and didn't think about it for a while until we completely forgot.

Overtime I fed the kids formula until my breast milk was cleared. Vanessa, Finn's mom, protested against formula like her life depended on it saying that it's unnatural and Finn and his sister were breastfed until they couldn't be anymore. I still did like her, but some of her opinions were radical. Finn's father on the other hand was more easy going. He was the type of person to let parenting happen and didn't overstep his boundaries.

We ended up finishing the guest house and moved Julia in immediately. She was very grateful. We were also able to now set clear boundaries and she was allowed a lot more free time. As far as the kids were concerned, we were in charge of them at night which was to be expected because a nanny cant nanny all the time. Julia did tell us her mother was sick so she'd need some time off and we happily allowed her to do her own thing when she needed to. When it came to Atticus and Gordon, Atticus came by from time to time over the next couple of weeks and we were happy to host him. He kept me updated on Gordon too. He said they were looking to adopt soon but right now they're still enjoying being young and in love which is not surprising given Gordon and I are the same age and Atticus just turned 31 so they still have some years ahead of them.

Around the time Monday came around, I honored Finn's wishes and ended things with Lucian. I waited until lunch time to have the conversation in my office while no one was around. It was hard to bring it up considering Lucian practically pleaded with me when I said we needed up talk. I cried a bit while breaking things off with him and I think it was more so because I felt bad. I felt like I didn't have to entertain him, but allowing him to get comfortable with me was my biggest mistake and whats even worse is I actually really did like him but the situation was impossible. When I was done letting Lucian down as easy as I could, I tried to tel him we could keep the relationship professional and be friends at some point but instead of receiving a response from him, he stormed out.

After that, I halfassed the rest of my work day. I couldn't focus for the life of me and when I got home it wasn't any better. Finn tried striking up a conversation with me and although our relationship wasn't as strained as it previously was, I couldn't give him the time. He sensed this and watched the kids for the night when Julia checked out. It took Finn a while to put the kids down by himself without Julia or myself but he eventually he succeeded. After Finn finished I heard him stepping on the creaky floorboards and pushing my door open. He had baby vomit on him and his hair was wet from being sweaty and he just stood in the doorway. I was in bed laying under the covers with a dim light on. I wanted to reach out to Lucian and tell him I was sorry and that it just had to be that way but I knew he wouldn't appreciate me overexploiting myself and theres no telling if he'd even answer. Finn suspected that I was in a mood. Maybe it was the mopey aura of the room and the complete silence for hours after coming home. He didn't say anything while he looked at me and I swear I saw his face change from exhaustion to regret.