Strange Attraction (editing/rewriting)

XVI

During our last couples therapy session, we talked about many things ranging from our new house to family. Zurer was thrilled to hear about the plans we had for remodeling the house. I even showed her pictures of what I wanted the new trim to look like when it was sanded and restrained.

We hadn't talked about our family history at all until this session. It didn't strike me as odd, but Zurer explained that if we needed anymore sessions after this one, she'd be more than happy to continue counseling us. We weren't far from where our relationship started, but she said that most couples are encouraged to mend their issues in the wild without the help of therapy after about the 11th or 12th session.

"Olivia, what does your family history look like?"

Confused by this question, I asked "in terms of health? Ethnicity? Or marriage?"

"Whatever you're comfortable sharing." Dr. Zurer replied.

"Well my mother was Egyptian and Puerto Rican and my dad is just white. Her parents travelled with her a lot and she picked up any languages while away from the states. Um, she met my father when she went on a trip to Maine with her college friends and they fell in love and I guess when she told my grandparents back in Wisconsin, they didn't approve. My mother went on to become a marine biologist and moved to live with my dad and from then on, her and my grandparents became estranged. Before my brother and I were born, our parents traveled, but nowhere far like Thailand, they mostly stayed close. My dad didn't go to college, he's mostly still in trades now but he's getting old." Finn and Dr. Zurer sat in silence while I recalled more about my parents and my childhood. "We grew up in an average household I guess. Middle class. It was probably different from the way my mother and father grew up. They mostly let my brother and I run around wild, but it was still important to my mother that she teach us Spanish and a bit of Arabic. Um, my mom died when I was 14 and my brother was 18. My dad didn't get remarried until recently. Uh, my brother and I put ourselves through college. We both went to school in Connecticut and I ended up in New York with my best friend while my brother is still in Connecticut. Thats it."

"Are you proud of your mother?"

"Yeah, I loved her. She worked a lot, but she was the breadwinner for our family. She actually died the day of my brothers graduation. She was working and had come home late that day so we all left without her and she never showed up to the graduation and when we got home we found her in the bedroom. She died from cardiac arrest." Finn rubbed my back as I retold the story.

"I'm sorry to hear that. How old was she?"

"Only 41. She was very young."

"Do you feel like some of your fears regarding your children are because of how much she worked?"

"I mean I loved my mother to death, but I want to be there for our kids just in case, god forbid, something happens to me."

"When's the last time you've been to see your mother? Have you guys ever gone together?"

"I actually haven't been to see her since I was 18 so not in almost 10 years."

"Maybe you guys could make a trip of it one day. What about you Finn, what's your history like?"

"It's not as interesting."

"Still, I'd like to hear it. Often times we don't understand how our partners show love and communicate because of how we are brought up. Olivia's household and estrangement towards her mothers parents could influence her relationship with your kids the same way that your relationship with your parents may have influenced how you're able to love and communicate with Olivia. These things are important to know and understand about each other in order to have a long and healthy relationship."