Basketball: BTS Yoongi ff

Part 32

My feet dangle as I sit by myself at the little park that Hyung Seok lives by, my hand holding onto the chains of the swing I decided to sit on. The metal feels cool against my head as I lean it against one of them, a permanent frown seemingly etched onto my face.

I shouldn't be acting this way. It was an accident. Brea had thought that I was cheating on her older brother, who she obviously looks up to. If I thought that someone was cheating on one of my family members I probably would have done the same thing she did. 

I also shouldn't stay mad at either Jimin or Yoongi. They must have had a reason to not tell Brea about the deal that Yoongi and I had made. In Yoongi's case, I know the way that he is. He lashed out when he saw that I was about to attack his sister, saying things that he might not necessarily even mean. He is protective of her and I respect that, his intention only to get me to back away from her.

I shouldn't be mad at them at all, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to be. I have been looked down on so much in my life, that fact causing me to build a tough outer shell for myself and my emotions.

Flashback

The locker slamming closed in the distance makes me jump, my eyes wide as I look around in fright. I relax only when I realize that it was just some guys messing around at the end of the hall my head down as I try and make it to practice before it is too late.

My basketball shoes squeak against the floor as I jog into the gym where the girl's basketball team is supposed to be meeting, our side of the court empty while the guys' team practices on the other. I immediately walk over to the storage room before bringing out the wrack of girl's basketball that we use for practice, trying to get some shooting in before the rest of my team comes out.

I seem to be the worst girl on the Freshman team right now, but I am trying to get better. I train before and after practice in order to improve, my hands blistering from how much I dribble and shoot the ball. I wouldn't be playing this sport at all if it weren't for my mom loving it, my determination to improve skyrocketing drastically.

She had played when she was my age, and apparently she was amazing. She would always take me to professional games even though we don't have that much money, her passing her love of the sport onto me. We stopped going to games when she got sick though, all of her time now spent in and out of the hospital. She promised that we would go see a game once she got better though, which is why I want to improve. I don't want to let her down.

"Why do you even bother practicing ugly? You fucking suck anyway."

I cower slightly as Carson's voice echoes throughout the gym, his team stopping their practice to what our exchange. Their coach must have left or something because I don't see him anywhere, the only people in here being us Freshman.

"I-I-I" I clamp my mouth shut before trying to swallow the lump in my throat, nervously pushing my glasses back into place. I stare down at Carson's basketball shoe clad feet as he scoff at my silence, stepping back slightly when he moves forward.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you, bitch" he spits quietly, forcing me to look up at him by grabbing my chin. The last thing I see is his smirk before he pushes me to the ground, the ball tumbling from my hands as my glasses fall off and clatter onto the court below me.

"Just give up" he says as he walks away, the whole room blurry as I reach out for my fallen glasses. "Sluts like you will never amount to anything in life anyway."

Flashback end

I can feel my eyes beginning to water at the painful memory, the ground below me swimming as the tears create a thin layer over my irises. I bring my trembling bottom lip into my mouth to keep it from shaking, willing myself not to cry. I don't really cry unless I am angry, something I have forced myself to do since my mom died. When she passed away, I cried the most that I have ever cried in my life. I promised myself that I would never cry when I am sad ever again because that shows my weaknesses, and I refuse to be bullied for them anymore.

"I thought I would find you here" Hyung Seok says as he appears in front of me, a soft smile on his face. His eyes show understanding as he takes a seat on the swing next to me, not saying anything about the tears that are still in my eyes. He knows that I hate it when people show me pity, him staying quiet as I try and compose myself once more.

"Jimin hit Yoongi before I got the chance to" he mentions lightly, causing a pathetic smile to appear on my face. I can imagine a surprised Yoongi standing there dumbfounded after Jimin swings at him, his mouth open in shock. I don't speak though, my fingers tightening around the chains I am holding.

"You've been thinking about Carson again, haven't you?"

I look over at Hyung Seok as he frowns over at me, one of his hands reaching up to grasp onto my own. I nod slightly and he sighs, coming so that he is kneeling in front of me as I look down at him.

"I want you to say it Bohemian" he says softly, sadness swimming in his dark eyes. "I want you to say, out loud, that you're not a slut."

"I'm not a slut" I say quickly and without conviction, my eyes drifting away from his in order to look at the play-set beside him. I can see him from the corner of my eye as he shakes his head, glancing back over at him as he makes a sound of disproval.

"I want you to believe it."

I take a shuddering breath as I look up and at the sky, the corners of my eyes tingling. I can tell that the tears are beginning to form once again as the strength behind his words draws out so many different emotions in me, my chest feeling tight and restricted. I open my mouth and will myself to speak the words that he is waiting to hear, but I can't. 

I have been told for so long that I am something that I'm not that it feels wrong to say otherwise. I feel as if something is stopping me, my eyebrows furrowed as I stare down into the eyes of the only guy besides my dad that has stayed with me despite everything. The only guy besides my dad who has been there and believed in me. He believes in me so much, so why don't I believe in myself?

I just can't