A Brick Wall And An Angry Redhead

Love In The Dark

Izzy
It's Friday night and we're finishing up a show at the Roxy. The place is packed and it's got to be over 100 degrees in here. All of us lost most of clothes about 15 minutes into our set and we're dripping with sweat. I look over at Slash, his face hidden behind those beautiful black curls, chest glowing in the spotlight, lost in his guitar and my heart contracts. He's gorgeous and he's mine; I watch as his fingers fly over the strings and he throws his head back with his eyes closed and I smile, mine. He looks up and catches me looking over at him and he smiles; moving over towards me. He dances around behind me and leans his back against mine. I lean my head back onto his and close my eyes; thrilled at the physical contact. I lean towards his ear and say "You sound great baby doll."

"Thanks gypsy boy,so do you. I can't wait to get into your pants later," he says and slides away from me. I turn and look at him and he's looking at me from under his hair, an evil little grin on his face and then he's gone, dancing over to Duff. Fuck, now I have a hard on in front of everyone. Oh well, the girls in the audience will enjoy it.

Finally the show's over and we're heading off stage but Slash stays behind for a minute with Duff chatting up some girls, one of whom I'm sure will spend the night in Duff's bed. I'm headed towards the dressing room when a hand shoots out of the darkness and pulls me into a little side room. "What the fuck?!" I exclaim but I'm shut up by a pair of soft, thin lips pressed against mine. Axl. I pull away quickly and ask him "What the fuck are you doing man?"

"What does it look like Izzy? I'm fucking kissing you. Listen I've been thinking..." Axl starts.

"No," I say before he can get anything out.

"What do you mean no, you don't even know what I'm going to say!" Axl says.

"Yeah, I do more or less and no! I'm not going to sleep with you or kiss you or do anything else with you ok? No." I back up and shake my head.

"What the fuck Izzy?" he fumes. "Ever since the other day you're all that's been in my head! I can't stop thinking about you and what would have happened if I hadn't pushed you away that night. What would have happened if I hadn't...you know..."he trails off.

"What forced yourself on me?" I ask flopping back against the wall and lighting a cigarette. "Things might have been a lot different. But you did and it's over. You know in some sick, fucked up way that night made us closer but it's all darkness Axl. When I think about being with you that way it just leaves a gaping hole in my heart. I don't know how to fix that or make it go away but I do know that I hate the way it feels so it's not somewhere I want to be. I had to figure out how to push you out of my heart years ago, it's done now."

"You say that Izzy but if it was true then why are you still with me every day all these years later?" Axl asks, glaring up at me from a few feet away. I look at him standing there, fists clenched, eyes desperate, wanting something from me I can't give him; I can't love him that way again. I just can't. He destroyed that.

"Because I do love you, just not the way you want me to. You're my best friend, we share some sort of weird bond made in blackness Axl but it's not that kind of love. That kind of love makes you happy, it makes you feel like you could take on anything as long as the person you love was with you. I don't feel that way about you anymore, if I think about it too hard I get really fucking pissed at you Axl and I fucking can't breathe. I hate that shit so I don't do it."

"But Slash makes you happy?" he asks quietly.

"Yeah Axe, he does. Slash makes me feel like there's something to live for besides drugs and this fucking band. It's like he brought light back into my heart after years of darkness man, he's so, I don't know, I love him Axl, can't you just accept that? He fills me up, I fucking adore him man, I'm not giving him up; I'm not giving up the way he makes me feel to fill myself up with darkness again. Do you know how it would break me to lose him? Axl, I don't know how this thing between Slash and me got this serious so fast but it did and I'm happy, I'm happy for the first time in years. Shit, listen to me I'm babbling like a fucking teenage girl; but Axl I love him so much. Do you understand?"